If you've ever felt trapped in a cycle of I should be past this and using your intellectual smarts as evil tools to hammer yourself with, this episode is for you.
On paper, you’ve got it together— isn’t it time you felt like it? Whether it's becoming much more DECISIVE in everything you do, PRESENCE with your family or breaking generational cycles of Self-Criticism, Perfectionism Optimized private 1-1 coaching is how you expand your confidence, make your choices aligned with your values and *finally feel* as amazing as your life looks. Get your stress-free start today at https://courtneylovegavin.com/optimized
Sneaky Peek at What You'll Learn In This Episode:
- Unconscious Competence: Understanding embodied knowledge vs mental masturbation
- How telling yourself "I should know this" is the cowardly response (and what the courageous one is)
- Why knowing something intellectually doesn't translate to action
Perfectionism Rewired is committed to truth and accuracy through a perfectionist affirming lens, offering cutting-edge research on perfectionism, interoception + neuroscience, for the practical perfectionist who wants to enjoy the life they've worked so hard to create.
Perfectionism is very powerful. But only if you know how to leverage it. For more on optimizing your perfectionist tendencies go to perfectionist.solutions
[00:00:00] When you say, I should know this or I know this and you're still not doing it, you don't
[00:00:08] actually know it.
[00:00:10] It's almost like you keep getting lost and you're like, but I know how to get here.
[00:00:13] I know how to get here.
[00:00:15] No, you just keep getting lost.
[00:00:16] Telling yourself that you know this, you are beating your subconscious and your unconscious
[00:00:20] down to a pulp.
[00:00:22] And then you're wondering why is it that I'm not advocating for myself to get that
[00:00:25] raise?
[00:00:26] This is why.
[00:00:27] Like, this is why right here.
[00:00:29] If you are ready to burn bright instead of burning out, to lead without losing yourself
[00:00:35] and to enjoy the life you have worked so hard to create, then keep listening.
[00:00:40] I'm your host, America's leader on rewiring perfectionism, CLG, and this is Perfectionism
[00:00:48] Rewired, the podcast.
[00:00:50] Welcome to Perfectionism Rewired.
[00:00:52] Today we're talking about when you know better but you don't do better.
[00:00:56] You know what to do, but you're still not doing it.
[00:00:58] This podcast will help you create some grace and space inside your perfectionistic brain
[00:01:07] and with your perfectionistic tendencies like people pleasing, self-criticism, ruminating,
[00:01:14] catastrophizing, overthinking, late night bedtime procrastination, putting too much
[00:01:20] pressure on yourself, saying no when you want to say yes, saying yes when you want
[00:01:25] to say no.
[00:01:26] This episode is going to help you with understanding, not from a like, oh yeah, I know that, but
[00:01:34] in a like, oh, it's going to make it so there's less chafing.
[00:01:39] Things get a little smoother and less sandpapery when you experience those situations.
[00:01:46] Whether it's being in meetings on meetings on meetings makes you less effective at
[00:01:49] work and you know that you could delegate them to people on your team.
[00:01:54] You've been aware of this for a while.
[00:01:56] You trust your team members yet you still haven't done it.
[00:01:59] You said you were going to do it when you got back from maternity or paternity leave,
[00:02:03] your parent leave and you're still in meeting hell.
[00:02:07] Just because you intellectually know something doesn't mean that you actually know it.
[00:02:13] In elementary school where my tiny humans go they have this like colored chart and
[00:02:19] the top level is I know this so well I could teach it to my parent.
[00:02:24] And then the next level is I know this well and I can do it on my own.
[00:02:29] And then the next level is I know this and I do it sometimes.
[00:02:33] The last one is like, I think I know this but I actually need help.
[00:02:37] The way that you can discern whether or not you actually know like an embodied knowing
[00:02:44] or an unconscious competence, meaning it's just like wiping your butt after you go
[00:02:50] potty, you don't even have to think about it.
[00:02:52] It's just something that you do.
[00:02:53] If that's not happening for you, you don't actually know it.
[00:02:57] And that is normal.
[00:02:59] That is to be expected.
[00:03:01] When you say I know this and you're still not doing it, it's almost like you keep
[00:03:06] getting lost and you're like but I know how to get here.
[00:03:08] I know how to get here.
[00:03:10] No, you just keep getting lost.
[00:03:11] Telling yourself that you know this is not going to make you know it anymore.
[00:03:15] If you want to take a freaking sledgehammer to your confidence, your ability to show
[00:03:20] up for yourself and to have boundaries, then yeah, continue telling yourself I
[00:03:25] should know this or I know better or this makes no sense.
[00:03:28] It would just be like yelling at a two year old about something when they're
[00:03:31] scared and you're like, this makes no sense.
[00:03:34] It's like, OK, you could do that.
[00:03:35] But to them, it does make sense if you want to change.
[00:03:39] Treating yourself humanely and bringing curiosity to it.
[00:03:43] You have been on the I should know this.
[00:03:46] Why don't you know this yet?
[00:03:47] You've been on the berating and beat yourself down to a pulp path.
[00:03:50] And if you think telling yourself that is doing that, BT dub, I'm not being
[00:03:54] extreme in that case.
[00:03:56] You are beating your subconscious and your unconscious down to a pulp when
[00:03:59] you do that kind of stuff.
[00:04:00] And then you're wondering why is it that I'm not advocating for myself
[00:04:04] to get that raise?
[00:04:05] This is why right here, because of those tiny and mighty moves
[00:04:09] that you were making against yourself.
[00:04:11] Ninety seven percent of you is under the rule of your subconscious
[00:04:17] and your unconscious.
[00:04:18] And that doesn't mean that you give up and you become a victim to them.
[00:04:22] It means up level your skills and tools so that you can get them on your side.
[00:04:26] And the way that you get them on your side is not by insulting them.
[00:04:32] They have healthy self-esteem, OK?
[00:04:35] They don't do abusive relationships that just like puts them further away
[00:04:39] from you, which will make logical you even more frustrated.
[00:04:42] So saying you should know this like just imagine you're teaching
[00:04:46] your kid to read, you go to them and you're like, you can't do cursive.
[00:04:51] You should know this.
[00:04:53] Like you wouldn't do that.
[00:04:54] But that is what you are doing with yourself.
[00:04:57] Even though you're not a child anymore, you're still a human being.
[00:05:01] Those traits like how to learn and develop new skills,
[00:05:05] yelling at yourself, it's a low blow and it's chicken shit.
[00:05:09] Yeah, maybe it's something that can be used in a pinch,
[00:05:13] but it is just like going through the drive through at T-Bell
[00:05:16] if there is literally no other food options that is very different
[00:05:21] than if you could have a personal chef and you're still not nourishing your body.
[00:05:26] The beautiful part is that we all have our own personal chefs
[00:05:31] when it comes to the way that we treat ourselves,
[00:05:36] especially when we're not changing maybe as quickly as we want to be changing.
[00:05:40] Instead of telling yourself, I should be past this.
[00:05:42] I should know this by now.
[00:05:43] I know this. Stop lying to yourself.
[00:05:46] You're just making it even more difficult to learn.
[00:05:50] If you notice that you have been telling yourself,
[00:05:52] I should know this by now or this doesn't make sense or this is silly.
[00:05:54] But you also want to actually be doing those things
[00:05:58] that you think that you should be doing by now or that you should be
[00:06:00] knowing by now and you don't understand why it's not happening yet.
[00:06:03] And you are willing to bring some understanding for yourself.
[00:06:07] Then I invite you to my one on one coaching
[00:06:10] exclusively for driven, high achieving perfectionistic people just like you.
[00:06:16] You can apply today by going to Courtney Love Gavin dot com slash optimized.
[00:06:21] Listen up. Taking charge of your perfectionism
[00:06:24] is so much easier than you have been led to believe.
[00:06:28] Whether you want to stop playing out worst case scenarios in your head
[00:06:31] or be joyfully present, ambitious again,
[00:06:34] you don't need more rigid rules, guesswork or hard work in perfectionism recovery.
[00:06:41] You need a framework that helps you understand and most importantly,
[00:06:45] rewire your perfectionistic habits from the inside out.
[00:06:49] It starts inside of perfectionism optimized.
[00:06:53] Besides the obvious mental health and wellness benefits,
[00:06:56] rewiring your perfectionism is the fastest way to figure out
[00:07:00] what's really underneath your perfectionistic patterns.
[00:07:04] This radically different, proven proprietary approach helps you succeed
[00:07:09] by dropping the contempt and judgment that blocks change.
[00:07:13] Discover how to trust yourself, take control of your world
[00:07:17] and feel truly empowered to own your perfectionism
[00:07:22] instead of being owned by it.
[00:07:25] Head on over to Courtney Love Gavin dot com and start your transformation today.