How Proving Yourself is Career Poison (+ the Cure for Unrivaled Growth)

[00:00:00] This client, she is at the top of her game. She is one of the best in the world at what she does. But she had this belief, I'm lucky to be here. The small little thought was creating, overworking, proving and questioning everything.

[00:00:16] She wasn't thinking that she created her career. She wasn't thinking about what a value she brings by her mere presence. Every time she went into a meeting, she was thinking I have something to prove because I'm lucky to be here.

[00:00:33] If you are ready to burn bright instead of burning out, to lead without losing yourself and to enjoy the life you have worked so hard to create, then keep listening. I'm your host, America's leader on rewiring perfectionism CLG, and this is Perfectionism Rewired, the podcast.

[00:00:53] Welcome to Perfectionism Rewired. Today, we are talking about how proving yourself is poison to your progress and the subtle ways it shows up for type A driven high achiever and how you can switch over from proving to power. Proving is not ostentatious.

[00:01:14] This may show up in the form of people pleasing, doing things so that other people will see that you are a good person. A client actually noticed she would wait to put money in the tip jar until the barista could see it

[00:01:28] because she needed to prove that she was a generous person and she needed them to see it to acknowledge it. What we really wanna look at, what we're getting into here is what's underneath the proving. As perfectionists, you gotta know what's happening

[00:01:42] below the surface in order to solve for it. I know what it is like to go through life when you compulsively feel this need to get everything right the first time and when you're always seeing how things could be better. And we know that it doesn't make sense.

[00:01:58] That's partially what drives us bonkers. You end up feeling even worse when we're being told we should be enjoying our experience, that there's absolutely no reason why we should be wanting to crawl out of our own skin. The deep levels of disappointment, panic and frustration,

[00:02:18] that misery meter gets turned up because of how drastically misunderstood we are as perfectionists. We way too often get labeled, mislabeled as exhausting, controlling, uptight, no fun or difficult. It is why I created perfectionism optimized where we can work together one-on-one and you will quit proving yourself forever.

[00:02:44] It's the place where there is no judgment and there's also no bullshit. Let's step into the truth booth here. If all outcomes were equal and you didn't need to behave or act a certain way or show them how wonderful you are,

[00:02:59] if all of those things were for sure happening, would you wanna spend your precious life force energy proving yourself? I'm gonna walk you through the process. I did with one of my perfectionism optimized private clients. I was coaching a private client

[00:03:13] and we noticed she was getting tripped up by her boss when they asked her a question. Her internal system saw it as a threat. On autopilot, her brain would just start to go into I'll show you how smart I am.

[00:03:27] Now it wasn't like, hey, they asked a question, here let me answer it. It was like, how dare you challenge my authority? And because of that, she was showing up at work in this hyper approving mode. When she was in a meeting,

[00:03:42] she had to make sure that she was the smartest one. And if she felt she wasn't the most intelligent one in that meeting, she wouldn't say anything. If a colleague asked her a question after she gave a presentation or gave her a correction on something that she did,

[00:03:57] she pulled an all nighter fixing it and going over it 23 times so that it never happened again. This is a pattern I immediately recognize because I used to do this too. My client, she is already a leader. Like she is in the C suite,

[00:04:14] which means like a CEO, CMO, CFO, COO. She had this hyper vigilance not from a positively proactive place, but always trying to think ahead and anticipate problems. So much of her energy was coming from lack and fear and protection instead of pouring her power over to flourishing,

[00:04:37] being vibrant and enjoying herself, spending time being present with her friends and family. Your subconscious thoughts, your hidden beliefs, digging into that puts you in a completely different direction. Like with this client, she is at the top of her game.

[00:04:53] She is one of the best in the world at what she does. But she had this belief, I'm lucky to be here. The small little thought I'm lucky to be here was creating overworking, proving and questioning everything. She wasn't thinking that she created her career.

[00:05:12] She wasn't thinking about what a resource she brings by her mere presence. Every time she went into a meeting, she was thinking I have something to prove because I'm lucky to be here. Because she had just said this off the cuff. She didn't come here.

[00:05:28] This is how it works when I'm your coach. She didn't come to the session and was like, hey, CLG, I found this thought and I think that's it. She was just telling me about her workday and that is what had come out. I'm lucky to be here.

[00:05:39] I literally looked at her and I was just like, they are lucky to have you. Then I play a little bit of Britney Spears Lucky and we went to work on dissolving that belief. I worked it from every angle, 360. I showed her how the board of directors

[00:05:54] who hired her what they had said about her and I asked her does this change your opinion and it didn't. All these awards that she had won, she still had the thought, yeah, but I'm lucky to be here. I even showed her when she was negotiating her raise

[00:06:08] she asked for $50,000 more. And that was in a different pay bracket but guess what? They gave it to her, but she still had the underlying motivation I'm lucky to be here which translates to I don't fully believe that I belong here. Unless you work on those internalized beliefs

[00:06:23] you are always gonna have less power and you are gonna be proving yourself in ways you don't even know. This is why it is so important to understand what is driving you and to get layfully curious reflection point questions. If the truth is you are worthy and valuable

[00:06:38] because of who you be, not what you do then what is it that's triggering you to prove yourself? What could it possibly be? Also ask yourself what is it that you don't wanna be called out on? It's a back door way that you can go about this.

[00:06:52] When we work together as a private client we really unwind these beliefs and I develop a protocol for you like with this client she's noticing that she's not proving herself she's not getting pissed at her colleagues that are asking her questions about her marketing plan.

[00:07:08] She is believing, hey I created my career I deserve to be here. If you're not in your head yes listen closely because I might have the solution you've been searching for perfectionism optimized highly individualized one-on-one coaching experience designed exclusively for perfectionists like you.

[00:07:29] If you are interested in that you can go to CourtneyLoveGavin.com slash optimized you can also click on the link in the show notes. Listen up, taking charge of your perfectionism is so much easier than you have been led to believe.

[00:07:45] Whether you wanna stop playing out worst case scenarios in your head or be joyfully present ambitious again you don't need more rigid rules guesswork or hard work in perfectionism recovery. You need a framework that helps you understand and most importantly rewire your perfectionistic habits from the inside out.

[00:08:07] It starts inside of perfectionism optimized besides the obvious mental health and wellness benefits rewiring your perfectionism is the fastest way to figure out what's really underneath your perfectionistic patterns. This radically different proven proprietary approach helps you succeed by dropping the contempt and judgment that blocks change.

[00:08:31] Discover how to trust yourself, take control of your world and feel truly empowered to own your perfectionism instead of being owned by it. Head on over to CourtneyLoveGavin.com and start your transformation today.