On Vacation, Can't Relax

[00:00:00] As a perfectionistic person, the way that we relax on vacation is different than how other people relax. And so if you have been trying to mimic what your partner does or what your friends do or what it said in the new wellness book that you just purchased,

[00:00:20] their strategy isn't going to work for you because you are not them. Your relaxation will fall flat. You will be like the title of this podcast episode on vacation, can't relax, send help. If you are ready to burn bright instead of burning out, to lead without

[00:00:37] losing yourself and to enjoy the life you have worked so hard to create, then keep listening. I'm your host, America's leader on rewiring perfectionism, CLG, and this is perfectionism rewired. The podcast. Welcome to perfectionism rewired. Today we're talking

[00:00:56] about on vacation, can't relax or for non American listeners on holiday, can't relax. In this episode, you are going to learn why you can't relax on vacation and what you can do to disrupt those patterns so that you can, you can relax. I want to start us out

[00:01:22] with a quote, which I don't think I've ever done this before. The quote is from Dr. Brené Brown. She said that none of us is ever able to part with our survival strategies without significant support and the cultivation of replacement strategies. Bringing this into

[00:01:41] this episode because relaxing is a skill, turning the stress down, being present. It is a type of athleticism and the strategies that you have cultivated thus far, I know from my own personal experience and professional experience from working with hundreds of type A driven, super

[00:02:00] successful perfectionistic people is we've cultivated overthinking. We have cultivated being on edge, looking around the corner, fast forwarding through life, trying to control everything in our atmosphere, catastrophizing about, well, what if the plane's late and what

[00:02:15] if this happens and are the kids wearing enough sunscreen? Ruminating of people pleasing, of carrying things that aren't ours to care so we can't tend to our own emotional ecosystem. On vacation, can't relax. Happens. It's like no shit, Sherlock. Of course you can't relax

[00:02:35] on vacation because you have cultivated strategies that are in opposition to that and you haven't gotten the right support for you to up level those tools or as Dr. Brené Brown says, to up level your strategies. As a perfectionistic person, the way that we relax

[00:02:55] on vacation is different than how other people relax. And so if you have been trying to mimic what your partner does or what your friends do or what it said in the new wellness book that you

[00:03:10] just purchased, their strategy isn't going to work for you because you are not them. Most perfectionists that I work with when they're trying to relax, it's like how do I know that I actually need to? How much do I relax? When's the best time for me to relax?

[00:03:29] What are some milestone markers that I can use while I'm relaxing for me to gauge how well my relaxing is going? What's supposed to happen after I relax? What if what's supposed to happen

[00:03:42] doesn't happen? Then what happens next? What if I feel worse after I relax? What if something goes wrong while I'm relaxing? What if my equally capable and partner who I chose to co-parent with is secretly wildly incapable? So relaxing presents a unique set of challenges

[00:04:02] for perfectionists period. You're taking that unique challenge and you are putting it on steroids because you're taking it on vacation, you're taking it on the road, which when you think about like your children, let's say that they're not the best sleepers, when you take

[00:04:20] them to an unfamiliar environment, not in their bed, maybe in a different time zone with like lots of sensory overload on the way there, of course they're not going to be sleeping well. Same thing if you're potty training them. On vacation can't relax, it's like oh yeah,

[00:04:37] of course you can't relax because if you're not able to fully relax without the dependency of a glass of wine, cannabis, working yourself to exhaustion, being alone and controlling everything in your atmosphere like the temperature needs to be like this, need the

[00:04:55] infrared heater and need to have ionic water, healing crystals, you know all of that happening then yeah of course you can't do it on vacation. It would be like if I couldn't skateboard

[00:05:09] and then I decide to go on vacation to the X Games amateur tryouts and try and skateboard and fall and like break all these bones. It's like oh yeah because like you weren't practicing it, like you don't have the skills and you're not properly equipped.

[00:05:23] It's the same thing. Clients inside of perfectionism optimize. A lot of times initially relaxing, it can feel like failing in the beginning. It can feel like you're not doing it right. It cannot meet your ideal expectations of what you want relaxing to look like or what

[00:05:38] you want being on vacation to look like and if you don't know that that's okay and if you don't have strong support in your corner, you can interpret the experience of still being more

[00:05:50] tired after you relax as like if you did something wrong and then you need to go back and you need to like correct your error. A coming episode is going to get into like the

[00:06:01] seven main reasons why you just can't relax as a perfectionist and the solutions to them. So if you don't subscribe already to the podcast, hit that subscribe button. Why you can't relax when you're sitting on the beach in a beautiful place unconsciously,

[00:06:18] maybe you're conscious of it. A huge part of your brain is secretly clocking the ratio between the time you're spending sitting there and maybe you sitting there like just sitting is like it feels like torture to you. So you're really counting down the seconds and you're

[00:06:33] looking at the time between your spending on the activity of doing nothing, which you loathe, and how like rejuvenated you feel and if their ratio isn't churning fast enough, which like you putting pressure and anxiety on yourself that's just like,

[00:06:49] oh you know what I mean? That's just like a way to completely, you're flaccid. It's a way to just like just like make it so like nothing can grow there. When you are putting pressure on yourself, putting anxiety, clocking the time, if the ratio

[00:07:07] isn't happening fast enough then you feel as though you're wasting your time and that you are being unproductive. You start feeling even more frustrated and agitated and resentful than you did before you started relaxing and that's because you don't know how to relax.

[00:07:26] Or your version of relaxing is very one-dimensional and for a perfectionistic person it's actually a two-part process and without allowing yourself to engage in the process your relaxation will fall flat. You will be like the title of this podcast episode,

[00:07:47] on vacation can't relax send help. An upcoming episode I will be going into how to get an A plus and relaxing when you're a perfectionist. That two-part process what that looks like. Being able to relax on vacation is actually thousands of tiny and mighty moves in a world

[00:08:05] where being a perfectionist or even just a responsible adult sometimes feels heavy. Us partnering together it teaches you how to make it lighter, more fun, more full and more joyous. If this sounds interesting to you and you're like yes to all the above, apply to coach with

[00:08:24] me where you can learn how to lighten the load of all the stress that you've been carrying so you don't have to try and control everything or brace yourself. Get clenchy because you have learned to work with your perfectionism. You have learned to work with

[00:08:39] your brain and how loud and busy it can be. Imagine the impact that this would have on your relationships, your work, your fight, your vitality if your stress anxiety and overwhelm didn't run wild. This is available to you now. This is what happens when you coach one-on-one

[00:08:56] with me inside of perfectionism optimized. I can get you on a path that feels a million times better starting today. If you are interested in that go apply to CourtneyLoveGavin.com optimized. Listen up taking charge of your perfectionism is so much easier than you have

[00:09:17] been led to believe. Whether you want to stop playing out worst case scenarios in your head or be joyfully present ambitious again, you don't need more rigid rules guesswork or hard work in perfectionism recovery. You need a framework that helps you understand and most

[00:09:35] importantly rewire your perfectionistic habits from the inside out. It starts inside of perfectionism optimized. Besides the obvious mental health and wellness benefits, rewiring your perfectionism is the fastest way to figure out what's really underneath your perfectionistic patterns. This radically different proven proprietary approach helps you succeed by

[00:10:01] dropping the contempt and judgment that blocks change. Discover how to trust yourself, take control of your world and feel truly empowered to own your perfectionism instead of being owned by it. Head on over to CourtneyLoveGavin.com and start your transformation today.