What Happens When Perfectionists STOP WAITING FOR More Information

[00:00:00] When you're a perfectionist who tethers your self-worth to your performance, or needs external

[00:00:06] validation just to feel good about yourself, any choice point that could further support

[00:00:13] the narrative of you not being good enough, that's super painful.

[00:00:17] So you avoid it.

[00:00:19] You wait.

[00:00:20] You don't decide.

[00:00:22] You stay in overwhelm.

[00:00:23] You stay at the mercy of time, money, space, certainty, confidence.

[00:00:29] If you are ready to burn bright instead of burning out, to lead without losing yourself

[00:00:34] and to enjoy the life you have worked so hard to create, then keep listening.

[00:00:39] I'm your host, America's leader on rewiring perfectionism, CLG, and this is Perfectionism

[00:00:47] Rewired, the podcast.

[00:00:49] Welcome to Perfectionism Rewired.

[00:00:51] Today we're talking about all the ways and why's, perfectionist weight, and what it's costing you.

[00:00:59] Even if you're like, CLG, I don't wait on things.

[00:01:03] I do without delay.

[00:01:04] I am going to reveal to you the ways that you are waiting.

[00:01:10] As perfectionists, we wait for more time.

[00:01:12] We wait for more money.

[00:01:13] We wait for more information.

[00:01:15] We wait for more confidence.

[00:01:17] We wait for more space.

[00:01:18] We wait for more support.

[00:01:20] And number one, we wait for more certainty.

[00:01:24] I'm just waiting to be totally sure.

[00:01:26] Those are the most popular ways perfectionists love waiting.

[00:01:32] In today's episode, I am breaking down all of those ways.

[00:01:36] And if you right now are like CLG, I don't wait.

[00:01:41] My problem is with patients.

[00:01:44] Waiting for you probably is disguised as indecision, needing to be 100% sure, getting confused or overwhelmed.

[00:01:56] Those are other ways that we as perfectionists keep ourselves waiting, which all waiting

[00:02:02] is is holding ourselves back.

[00:02:05] Waiting is a subtle self-sabotaging pattern.

[00:02:10] There is a link in the show notes to the episode, six sneaky ways that perfectionists

[00:02:17] unknowingly self-sabotage along with episodes on procrastolurning victim mode and all the

[00:02:26] other concepts I touch on in this episode.

[00:02:29] OK, first let's get into the why.

[00:02:32] Why is it that the perfectionists are spectacular at waiting and not deciding?

[00:02:37] We perceive waiting as a shield, like waiting and shielding us from believing even more that

[00:02:45] we're not good enough.

[00:02:46] I touched on this in an episode that's linked in the show notes on fixed mindset versus growth mindset.

[00:02:52] Fixed mindset is when your subconscious believes your intelligence, abilities, capacity and

[00:02:59] talents are fixed.

[00:03:01] Like this is as good as it's ever going to get.

[00:03:03] You are no longer going to grow or develop or evolve as a human being.

[00:03:07] When you are in that fixed mindset, everything you do, all of the outcomes you create,

[00:03:13] become evidence in the worst game you could ever play with yourself,

[00:03:18] which is whether or not you are good enough.

[00:03:22] When you're a perfectionist who tethers your self-worth to your performance

[00:03:27] or needs external validation just to feel good about yourself,

[00:03:32] any choice point that could further support the narrative of you not being good enough,

[00:03:38] that's super painful.

[00:03:40] So you avoid it.

[00:03:42] You wait.

[00:03:43] You don't decide.

[00:03:44] You stay in overwhelm.

[00:03:46] You stay at the mercy of time, money, space, certainty, confidence.

[00:03:51] This is why you might be very successful already.

[00:03:56] Like most people in your life think,

[00:03:59] man, you've got your stuff together.

[00:04:01] Yet you still feel inadequate.

[00:04:05] You are unable to enjoy the life that you have worked so hard to create.

[00:04:10] Due to the prospectical, you are viewing the world and the story that you have placed on

[00:04:18] top of everything, which is that you're not good enough.

[00:04:22] The story of your self-worth is tethered to what other people think about you

[00:04:29] and that you're only as good or as valid or as worthy as your last achievement was.

[00:04:36] Another reason why perfectionists love to wait is because if we're waiting,

[00:04:43] we tend to believe we're not failing.

[00:04:46] However, that is not true.

[00:04:47] If you're waiting, you're not actively failing.

[00:04:50] You're passively failing, which is the worst because when you're passively failing,

[00:04:55] you don't get any of the lessons that you get when you actively fail.

[00:05:00] When you actively fail, you get new lines of discovery.

[00:05:04] If you're waiting, you're killing your satisfaction,

[00:05:08] your self-trust, and your confidence slowly.

[00:05:11] If you're waiting, you are never seen what you're actually capable of,

[00:05:16] especially as a perfectionist.

[00:05:18] When you are waiting, you are not making the impact on this world

[00:05:22] that only a perfectionist is capable of.

[00:05:26] When you are waiting, you are living this status quo life,

[00:05:30] you're not really succeeding or if you do, you don't feel proud about it.

[00:05:33] All you can look at is what you could have done better, should have done better.

[00:05:37] You automatically go to criticize myself, not feel good enough,

[00:05:40] get back on that hustling for my worth train.

[00:05:42] Imagine if Dolly Parton, RuPaul, Tina Fey, Mr. Rogers, Julia Child, RBG, Serena Williams,

[00:05:50] Beyonce Adele, Steve Jobs, Dyson, MLK Jr., Albert Einstein, Sarah Blakely, Kobe Bryant,

[00:05:58] Michael Jordan, Walt Disney, Marie Kondo, Tyler Perry, Bethany Frankel, Ashley Longshore,

[00:06:04] Brinay Brown, Big Sean, Megan V. Stallion, Gloria Steinem, Reese Witherspoon, Lizzo,

[00:06:10] Dwayne The Rock, Johnson, Jane Goodall, Lucille Ball, Nelson Mandela, Jennifer Lopez,

[00:06:17] Lisa Ling, Pharrell Issa Ray, Hildegard, Bonn, Bingin.

[00:06:22] Imagine if all of them, which by the way, those are all perfectionists, decided to wait.

[00:06:29] Imagine if they did not make and continue to make an impact on this world that they

[00:06:36] as a perfectionist are only capable of. That's why this episode is really important.

[00:06:41] So now we're going to get into all of the ways that perfectionists wait and what it's costing you.

[00:06:49] Number one, waiting for more knowledge. You are waiting for more information. This is a go-to

[00:06:54] for driven perfectionists because we love identifying as lifelong learners. However,

[00:06:59] we often forget the active part of learning, like the implementation, application, and

[00:07:05] experimentation. Notice this theme of passivity and how it puts you at the mercy,

[00:07:12] in this case, of needing more knowledge before you can move forward.

[00:07:15] You could spend the rest of your life researching and still not have enough information. This is

[00:07:21] procrastilering. It's when you feel like you're making progress, however, you're not. And there's

[00:07:27] also a point of diminishing returns when it comes to knowledge and information where too much

[00:07:33] knowledge creates confusion, the paradox of choice. The most efficient and impactful way to learn

[00:07:39] is to take action, learning by doing, make a choice, and then course correct as you go,

[00:07:45] decide that you always make the right choice. It's either the right choice the first time

[00:07:50] or you will make it right. Even if you have an A plus plan and extensively research every

[00:07:56] single worst case scenario, there are going to be unexpected plays when you're out in the

[00:08:02] field. Only then will you discover that you didn't know what you didn't know. That's active

[00:08:07] learning. As an active learner, you are courageous. You are the perfectionist applying and acting on

[00:08:13] knowledge in the field of life, taking intellectual knowledge and living it, making it embodied

[00:08:18] knowledge. Do you ever say to yourself, I already know this. I know that I shouldn't

[00:08:23] ruminate on this, but I still replay work that day over and over and over to the point

[00:08:27] where I wake in the middle of the night thinking about them. Or do you ever say,

[00:08:31] I know how to relax, but I'm just not doing it right now. Unless you are doing it,

[00:08:37] you do not actually know it. Stop lying to yourself. It's not useful. What you have is an

[00:08:44] intellectual understanding. Think about surfing. You could have an intellectual

[00:08:48] understanding of how to surf. You could have read all the books, take all the online courses.

[00:08:53] You could know about board, waves, paddling. That does not mean you can surf. That does not

[00:09:01] make you a surfer. You can know how to climb K2. You can study it. You can research it.

[00:09:07] You can have looked at and empirically extracted data from the last 5,000 people

[00:09:14] that have successfully climbed K2. Does that mean you can climb K2? No.

[00:09:20] Oh. Now, you might say I know how to de-stress. If I were to follow you around for a week,

[00:09:27] would I believe that you know how to metabolize your stress?

[00:09:31] Would it be reflected in your daily decisions?

[00:09:34] Notice if you are like, I just need to read one more book or listen to one more podcast.

[00:09:39] If that is you, stop, drop and roll on over to an impactful boundary with yourself.

[00:09:45] Draw the line in the sand and say, I'm not going to fill myself up with any more knowledge

[00:09:49] until I act on what I've already learned. I was president, varsity, MVP of passivity.

[00:09:58] I loved things that are passive. I have now rewired my perfectionistic tendencies to

[00:10:04] implement in real time. I have trained my brain so passivity is no longer part of my learning

[00:10:11] process. Yes, I still feel uncomfortable a lot of the time. The difference is it doesn't slow me down.

[00:10:20] I do without delay and decide that any uncomfortability, any doubt means that I'm at my growth edge,

[00:10:28] that I am on to something stunning. This is how my coaching practice, perfectionist solutions,

[00:10:35] remains the most cutting edge practice globally as verified by industry leading medical researchers.

[00:10:43] I continue to integrate tools that nobody else is talking about like interoception, fascia,

[00:10:49] how emotions are made, sensation signals, prediction errors, neurogenesis, prospecticals,

[00:10:54] because I not only understand them intellectually, but I experiment, play and apply them daily.

[00:11:02] It's how I make neuroscience digestible and design practical perfectionist solutions.

[00:11:09] Now, really, really stepping into the truth booth. It was only when I stopped waiting

[00:11:15] on all the things we're covering in this episode did my coaching practice, perfectionist solutions

[00:11:21] and podcast perfectionism rewired blow up like just get massively popular.

[00:11:27] I stopped waiting for more time to get my website to match what ideally I wanted my website to look

[00:11:34] like before putting it live. I stopped waiting for more money to hire people to design a spider web

[00:11:42] of marketing funnels. I stopped waiting for more knowledge to publish a podcast episode.

[00:11:49] I stopped waiting for more confidence to put myself out there as America's leader on rewiring

[00:11:55] perfectionism. I stopped waiting for more certainty. My message of perfectionism is an asset,

[00:12:04] not a liability goes against everything mainstream conditioning tells us and say, hey,

[00:12:11] you can actually learn to take charge of your perfectionism and own it instead of it owning

[00:12:17] you. I didn't know if this would resonate the evidence that I already collected said otherwise.

[00:12:26] It said, this is going to flop. No one's going to care CLG five years ago. I put together this

[00:12:32] revolutionary training on cracking the code to perfectionism. I spent months developing it.

[00:12:37] I wallpapered the internet with invitations to attend. I made a special playbook for this

[00:12:44] complimentary training. This was free. Anyone could attend live or get the recording to watch it

[00:12:50] later. You don't even have to give me your email. You could watch it and download the free playbook

[00:12:56] because I hate email and junk mail. So I did cracking the code of perfectionism was like a

[00:13:01] year's worth of work. I wallpapered the internet with invitations to attend. I made the special

[00:13:07] playbook so you could actually apply it and implement it. Guess how many people showed

[00:13:11] up to cracking the code to perfectionism this complimentary training that I probably did at

[00:13:16] least 300 social media posts, videos, et cetera about guess how many people attended to two people

[00:13:23] showed up both of them current clients. Back then I didn't have the confidence, courage and

[00:13:28] conviction in myself. I do now. So what I did is I just shrunk. I stopped talking publicly

[00:13:35] about my discoveries on adaptive perfectionism, neurosculpting and

[00:13:40] intrusive motivational patterns. I share that with you to know it was letting go of all of this

[00:13:46] waiting that makes this podcast and every episode possible. The perfectionists who

[00:13:54] have been positively impact by this podcast in at least over 130 countries around the world.

[00:14:03] None of that would be in existence if I didn't decide to stop waiting. I just want you to think

[00:14:13] about that for yourself and whatever things you want to change or things you've really been wanting

[00:14:17] to do, the only way that's possible is to get out of the waiting game. And I also want to say

[00:14:22] that's really important is that I have always had a coach. Extraordinary coaches have

[00:14:28] extraordinary coaches. So I want you to know that this wasn't just me doing it by my bootstraps.

[00:14:33] This was me investing in myself, which started with me supporting myself waiting for more of

[00:14:40] anything puts you in victim mode. Why? Because when you are waiting, you're making certainty,

[00:14:48] money, time, space more powerful than you are. They are in control of you instead of

[00:14:55] you being in control of them. Time is dictating your choices. Money is a restriction instead of a

[00:15:02] resource. One thing I want every person who listens to perfectionism rewired to walk away with

[00:15:10] its empowerment for you to be empowered by your perfectionistic tendencies and take charge

[00:15:18] of your life not in a gripping controlling white knuckling it type way, but to take

[00:15:24] charge of your life in an empowered way so that you are able to fully enjoy the life that you

[00:15:32] have worked so hard to create. Your action step for this episode is to stop it with all of this

[00:15:38] unnecessary waiting, get off the sidelines and into the arena of your life and start playing.

[00:15:45] The next episode that I see too many perfectionists wait for is more confidence.

[00:15:52] Listen out. Taking charge of your perfectionism is so much easier than you have been led to believe.

[00:15:59] Whether you want to stop playing out worst-case scenarios in your head or be joyfully present

[00:16:03] ambitious again, you don't need more rigid rules, guesswork, or hard work in perfectionism recovery.

[00:16:12] You need a framework that helps you understand and most importantly rewire your perfectionistic

[00:16:18] habits from the inside out. It starts inside of perfectionism optimized. Besides the obvious

[00:16:25] mental health and wellness benefits, rewiring your perfectionism is the fastest way to figure out

[00:16:31] what's really underneath your perfectionistic patterns. This radically different proven

[00:16:37] proprietary approach helps you succeed by dropping the contempt and judgment that blocks change.

[00:16:44] Discover how to trust yourself, take control of your world and feel truly empowered to own

[00:16:52] your perfectionism instead of being owned by it. Head on over to CourtneyLoveGavin.com

[00:16:58] and start your transformation today.