Waiting For the Right Time

[00:00:00] Is this the right time to send this email? Is this the right time to call this person? There is something really important that you want to do, but because you get nervous about it, you notice that you're putting it off, you're putting it off, and you're like, is this the right time? So there's like a, I don't want to use the word obsession, but there is this belief of a right time to do things.

[00:00:19] If you are ready to burn bright instead of burning out, to lead without losing yourself, and to enjoy the life you have worked so hard to create, then keep listening. I'm your host, America's leader on rewiring perfectionism, CLG, and this is Perfectionism Rewired, the podcast.

[00:00:39] Welcome to Perfectionism Rewired. Today we're talking about all of the ways that perfectionists wait for things to calm down and what it's costing you. Even if you're like, CLG, I don't wait. My problem is with patience. Waiting for you probably is disguised as indecision, needing to be 100% sure, getting confused, or overwhelmed.

[00:01:07] Okay, first let's get into the why. Why is it that perfectionists are spectacular at waiting for things to calm down? We perceive waiting as a shield, like waiting as shielding us from believing even more that we're not good enough.

[00:01:24] I touched on this in an episode that's linked in the show notes on fixed mindset versus growth mindset. Fixed mindset is when your subconscious believes your intelligence, capacity, and talents are fixed. Like this is as good as it's ever going to get. You are no longer going to grow or evolve as a human being.

[00:01:44] When you are in that fixed mindset, everything you do, all of the outcomes you create become evidence in the worst game you could ever play with yourself, which is whether or not you are good enough.

[00:01:58] When you're a perfectionist who tethers your self-worth to your performance or needs external validation just to feel good about yourself, any choice point that could further support the narrative of you not being good enough, that's super painful.

[00:02:17] So you avoid it. You wait. You stay in overwhelm. You stay at the mercy of time, money, space, certainty, confidence. This is why you might be very successful already. Like most people in your life think, man, you've got your stuff together, yet you still feel inadequate.

[00:02:41] You are unable to enjoy the life that you are unable to enjoy the life that you have worked so hard to create due to the perspective you are viewing the world, which is that you're not good enough.

[00:02:55] The story of your self-worth is tethered to what other people think about you and that you're only as good or as valid or as worthy as your last achievement was.

[00:03:09] Another reason why perfectionists love to wait is because if we're waiting, we tend to believe we're not failing. However, that is not true. If you're waiting, you're not actively failing. You're passively failing, which is the worst because when you're passively failing, you don't get any of the lessons that you get when you actively fail.

[00:03:32] When you actively fail, you get new lines of discovery. If you're waiting, you are never seeing what you're actually capable of.

[00:03:41] Especially as a perfectionist, when you are waiting, you are not making the impact on this world that only a perfectionist is capable of.

[00:03:51] If you are living this status quo life, you're not really succeeding or if you do, you don't feel proud about it. All you can look at is what you could have done better.

[00:03:59] You automatically go to criticize myself, get back on that hustling for my worth train.

[00:04:04] Imagine if Mr. Rogers, Julia Child, Serena Williams, Beyonce, Adele, Steve Jobs, MLK Jr., Albert Einstein, Sarah Blakely, Kobe Bryant, Michael Jordan, Walt Disney, Marie Kondo, Tyler Perry, Brené Brown, Big Sean, Megan B.

[00:04:21] Lee Stallion, Gloria Steinem, Reese Witherspoon, Lizzo, Dwayne The Rock Johnson, Jane Goodall, Lucille Ball, Nelson Mandela, Jennifer Lopez, Lisa Ling, Pharrell, Issa Rae.

[00:04:34] Those are all perfectionists. Imagine if all of them decided to wait.

[00:04:40] Imagine if they did not make an impact that they as a perfectionist are only capable of.

[00:04:47] That's why this episode is really important.

[00:04:50] Now, let's get into all of the ways that perfectionists wait for things to calm down and what it's costing you.

[00:04:58] Waiting for things to calm down.

[00:05:00] This can also look like waiting for Monday, waiting for next quarter, waiting for January 1st, waiting for when I change jobs, waiting until I get through the holidays.

[00:05:10] Anyways, it's that if this, then this.

[00:05:12] I call it if-then syndrome, where we're saying if we have this amount of time, then we'll be able to do this.

[00:05:19] If we have this amount of confidence, then we'll be able to do this.

[00:05:22] If you have not discovered it for yourself yet, let me save you years and tears of struggle.

[00:05:26] It's an illusion.

[00:05:27] This can also look like, is this the right time to send this email?

[00:05:30] Is this the right time to call this person?

[00:05:33] Where there is something really important that you want to do, but because you get nervous about it, you notice that you're putting it off.

[00:05:39] You're putting it off and you're like, is this the right time?

[00:05:42] So there's like a, I don't want to use the word obsession, but there is this belief of a right time to do things.

[00:05:50] Pay attention as you're having conversations with your partner, your friends, your colleagues,

[00:05:55] to just notice when you're saying, when this happens, then I'll do that.

[00:05:59] Just like be onto yourself.

[00:06:01] Another way this can show up, say to yourself, I can't decide.

[00:06:05] I don't know.

[00:06:06] I'm not sure.

[00:06:07] I'm overwhelmed.

[00:06:08] I'm confused.

[00:06:09] Those are the same things.

[00:06:10] If we were looking on word hippo and the thesaurus, those would be underneath.

[00:06:15] Those would be synonyms for waiting.

[00:06:19] Waiting for more of anything puts you in victim mode.

[00:06:23] Why?

[00:06:24] Because when you are waiting, you're making certainty, money, time, space more powerful than you are.

[00:06:33] They are in control of you instead of you being in control of them.

[00:06:38] Time is dictating your choices.

[00:06:41] Money is a restriction instead of a resource.

[00:06:44] One thing I want every person who listens to Perfectionism Rewired to walk away with,

[00:06:51] it's empowerment for you to be empowered by your perfectionistic tendencies and take charge of your

[00:06:59] life, not in a gripping, controlling, white knuckling type way, but to take charge of your

[00:07:06] life in an empowered way so that you are able to fully enjoy the life that you have worked so hard

[00:07:14] to create.

[00:07:15] Your action step for this episode is to create that change that you are waiting for right now.

[00:07:22] Get off the sidelines and into the arena of your life and start playing.

[00:07:27] The next episode, we're talking about all of the ways that perfectionists wait for things to calm

[00:07:32] down and what it's costing you.

[00:07:35] Listen up.

[00:07:36] Taking charge of your perfectionism is so much easier than you have been led to believe.

[00:07:42] Whether you want to stop playing out worst case scenarios in your head or be joyfully present

[00:07:47] ambitious again, you don't need more rigid rules, guesswork, or hard work in perfectionism

[00:07:54] recovery.

[00:07:55] You need a framework that helps you understand and most importantly, rewire your perfectionistic

[00:08:02] habits from the inside out.

[00:08:04] It starts inside of perfectionism optimized.

[00:08:07] Besides the obvious mental health and wellness benefits, rewiring your perfectionism is the

[00:08:13] fastest way to figure out what's really underneath your perfectionistic patterns.

[00:08:19] This radically different proven proprietary approach helps you succeed by dropping the contempt

[00:08:25] and judgment that blocks change.

[00:08:28] Discover how to trust yourself, take control of your world, and feel truly empowered to own

[00:08:35] your perfectionism instead of being owned by it.

[00:08:40] Head on over to CourtneyLoveGavin.com and start your transformation today.