Impeccable Boundaries - Your Path To Peace + Power

[00:00:00] What occurs with so many perfectionists that because we're just like, yeah, sky is the limit. I break through ceilings

[00:00:08] But we have never been taught we can have no limits but we need to have a ground. We need to have something that supports us and that is there for us. So when we slip and fall we're not falling to our death like off a tight rope

[00:00:22] But we're just slipping and falling. Yeah, we might have gotten a little scraped up or whatever, but you know just like Chumble on me says

[00:00:28] You get knocked down and you get up again. If you're ready to burn bright instead of burning out to lead without losing yourself and to enjoy the life

[00:00:38] You have worked so hard to create then keep listening. I'm your host America's leader on rewiring perfectionism CLG

[00:00:47] And this is perfectionism rewired the podcast welcome to perfectionism rewired today's episode comes from the

[00:00:56] Perfection Solutions Private Client podcast or the PSP

[00:01:03] I think I'm the only person that works to it as that there are two client private podcasts that you have access to when we do private one on one coaching together

[00:01:13] Now this episode is not just a client favorite episode from the perfectionist solutions private client podcast

[00:01:22] But it's the best episode. I personally believe I have ever recorded in my four plus years of podcasting

[00:01:32] It's an episode that walks you through two proprietary tools I have created

[00:01:40] One the distinction between impeccable boundaries versus ineffective boundaries the way that I bet you think

[00:01:49] The boundaries right now are actually ineffective boundaries

[00:01:52] So I'm illustrating how you can create your own impeccable boundaries impeccable boundaries

[00:01:58] They're not about controlling or trying to change other people. They're about care for yourself mentally emotionally and physically

[00:02:05] That is one of the tools I'm giving you in this episode

[00:02:09] And the second tool is what those impeccable boundaries create as you begin to lay them down in your life

[00:02:17] When I talk about lay them down, this is not you telling other people what they are like putting up fences in your life

[00:02:23] Laying them down means that you know what they are and you make decisions that honor your boundaries so that you are no longer on the type of

[00:02:33] Having to perform perfect people please or play Kate if you are loving what you are hearing on the podcast

[00:02:41] You feel like it resonates and you're like okay, Syllgee. I get how but I could really some support with is like actually applying it and implementing it correctly

[00:02:50] Go to courteelovegabbin.com slash optimized and inquire two days enjoy today's podcast episode

[00:02:57] Hello private client while I was recording an episode all about the root of resentment

[00:03:03] Like where it really comes from and ugly truths that you might not want to be looking at

[00:03:09] I realized what would better prime you for that episode and just be infinitely more helpful is to first look at your floor

[00:03:20] Your floor is the ground that you walk on in all of your relationships and areas of life

[00:03:30] That is this protective guardrail so that no matter what happens you're good having your floors are what you can stand on it's what keeps you grounded it's what keeps you centered it's how you can continue to

[00:03:47] Live for excellence as a perfectionistic person one thing that's awesome about being a perfectionist is we see all the potentials we don't see any limits

[00:03:56] It's like skies the limit but with that most of the time we haven't created a floor for ourselves

[00:04:04] As far as what we are willing to accept from ourselves and other people if you don't have your floor, you are trying to control everything around you

[00:04:14] And it feels like you are walking on a tight rope with not in it below you you're performing your pretending and one little thing can sort of like set you off

[00:04:24] Like your kids misbehaved in the morning you start beating yourself up that just ruins your day maybe you take it out on your partner when they get home

[00:04:31] In packable boundaries are what make up the boards of your floor when I've explained the concept of the floor if you don't already have impeccable boundaries in place that you choose to honor 95% of the time

[00:04:47] Then you can feel sort of lost when it comes to creating your floor not only is this episode going to prime you for getting into the root of resentment

[00:04:57] But also this is going to be your guide on how to create your floor. How resentment comes in the play is you want to think of resentment like termites.

[00:05:09] Termites eat your floor. It eats away at your confidence your joy and it makes things wildly unstable so you are back on that tight rope

[00:05:18] You lose your patience easier your room inating you are maybe sane things that are mean maybe you start sniping at your partner

[00:05:26] You're just like this is not me yet. There are eruptions happening so that is what resentment does when your floor is rickety

[00:05:37] What will help you build a fantastic floor that you can do everything you want to do on like a super supportive unshakable fireproof floor

[00:05:46] The way that floor is built is by each impeccable boundary you lay down you go here you go here and then you cement them by honoring these impeccable boundaries

[00:05:59] What about boundaries when it comes to your most intimate relationships? It can be a hard thing to fathom when you're thinking if I unconditionally love this person

[00:06:10] Then how can I have boundaries can impeccable boundaries actually exist in that relationship so that's what we're going to start off with one two defining for you what an impeccable boundary is and its purpose versus an ineffective boundary.

[00:06:27] So you can really know what's an impeccable boundary and what's an ineffective boundary and how do you actually go about creating impeccable boundaries?

[00:06:37] Because this isn't about philosophy. I never want you leaving where you're like, yeah that's nice but how can I do it? I'm also giving you the load on on why it's more challenging for a perfectionistic person to have impeccable boundaries. This is why you probably have summers at men in your life

[00:06:55] You feel like there might be landmines everywhere giving you all of the amazing benefits of impeccable boundaries and how it truly benefits all of the people in your life and the relationships you hear about the most so let's get into it. What about boundaries and unconditional love is it possible to have unconditional love for someone while upholding your boundaries

[00:07:20] The answer is yes you can have a floor to stand on even when unconditional love is involved unconditional love is

[00:07:28] Loveing people as they are and giving them the complete freedom to be who they are unconditional love is not about compromising yourself or condoning hurtful behavior in order for love to be truly unconditional

[00:07:43] It must acknowledge the reality and the truth of the relationship a lot of times we want to avoid that truth

[00:07:54] So we don't create a floor for us to walk on how you know that you don't have truth in your relationship

[00:07:59] A.K.A that you're lying to yourself is if you are sane I love this person like I love my partner

[00:08:07] But you've got all this anger and resentment that you haven't worked through

[00:08:13] Resentment anger that's bubbling up those are clues that you're compromising yourself condoning hurtful behavior

[00:08:22] A.K.A. you are loving them at the expense of yourself and your own truth unconditional love allows for the full experience of you and

[00:08:35] The full experience of the other person without attachment and without control what I see in most of you is the way that resentment comes up and this like

[00:08:47] I don't know if I want to have an impeccable boundary where's my floor?

[00:08:52] You know play this fun game of oops, I'm going to fall through is because you are not allowing for the full experience of you

[00:09:01] Okay, so what is an impeccable boundary can you tell I'm excited?

[00:09:06] So an impeccable boundary its purpose is to provide stabilise and secure your safety

[00:09:14] When we're talking about safety that means your emotional safety, your psychological safety and your physical safety

[00:09:21] Most of you the physical safety you have that on law in your relationships

[00:09:27] But the emotional safety and the psychological safety that's another story that is why your impeccable boundary is there to stabilize and secure your emotional safety

[00:09:39] Your psychological safety and your physical safety and impeccable boundary exists to support you and honor your values

[00:09:48] Not your partners, not even your family values, but like your individual values

[00:09:54] Like what is important to you? What is resonating with you right now?

[00:09:58] These impeccable boundaries are giving you this floor which gives you the structure to stand on. This is what is going to help you and support you

[00:10:07] Not only in all the safety, but you being calm, grounded, confident and courageous. It makes it so that you are no longer walking on a tight rope

[00:10:16] An impeccable boundary is not for controlling or changing other people and impeccable boundary exists to support you and honor your personal values

[00:10:30] An ineffective boundary exists for punishing, controlling, or changing other people

[00:10:37] You are probably taught ineffective boundaries which means that you have them in place to punish someone

[00:10:43] If you do this, I'm going to do that controlling them saying don't speak to me that way or I'm going to leave

[00:10:48] It's like with the previous example, don't speak that way or I'm going to leave

[00:10:52] You're trying to change the way that the other person speaks to you

[00:10:55] An ineffective boundary is set from trying to control or change another person

[00:11:02] It screams don't do that to someone else

[00:11:05] An example of this is with a client who was navigating their relationship with their brother

[00:11:11] This client would constantly be asking their brother to stop yelling, bro, stop yelling at me

[00:11:19] Can we take this down a notch?

[00:11:21] So where it at me is a boundary, stop yelling at me

[00:11:23] Sometimes this client might even make an empty promise

[00:11:26] When you speak to me this way, I'm going to do this except they would never actually follow through with it

[00:11:33] This client would just be wishing and hoping that maybe this time their brother will engage differently

[00:11:40] And maybe this time he'll change his behavior

[00:11:43] That is a huge indicator. I could really use some impeccable boundaries

[00:11:47] If you are wishing and hoping maybe this time this person will behave differently

[00:11:54] Maybe this time they'll change an impeccable boundary has to do with you

[00:12:01] It has to do with what you will do, how you will behave, what you will tolerate, how you will respond

[00:12:09] And what you will accept from yourself and other people

[00:12:14] Inpeccable boundaries, they look more like I say yes when I mean it and I want to say yes

[00:12:22] And I say no when I mean it and I want to say no

[00:12:26] Without worrying about with the other person is going to think or feel an impeccable boundary could look like

[00:12:33] When it comes to maybe your relationship with your family is you saying

[00:12:39] I'm not going to people please them by staying longer that I want to stay

[00:12:44] If the behavior becomes unsafe, emotionally or psychologically

[00:12:51] I mean, I'll remove myself and my children from this environment

[00:12:55] An impeccable boundary usually has no drama

[00:12:58] Shit doesn't have to get worse in order for you to honor your boundaries

[00:13:03] Because impeccable boundaries are really about what is the best way to take care of ourselves emotionally, mentally, physically

[00:13:16] Versus an ineffective boundary is when someone acts really bad

[00:13:20] And then you try and execute your boundaries

[00:13:23] What's most important to understand is that an impeccable boundary is about you

[00:13:28] It requires you to be in charge of your behavior, your emotional ecosystem

[00:13:33] And it has nothing to do with controlling or managing anybody else's behavior

[00:13:39] A boundary that is set up for control keeps you powerless

[00:13:46] It keeps you at the effect of what everyone else is doing

[00:13:49] Why do we even have an effective boundaries?

[00:13:52] Why was a night hot impeccable boundaries when I was a kid's celgy?

[00:13:56] When were children?

[00:13:58] We are swimming in ineffective boundaries

[00:14:01] Because we need our parents love in order to survive

[00:14:06] We need their approval in order to survive

[00:14:09] That is what our neurobiology perceives

[00:14:13] As we become adults, we are often stuck chasing that approval, that validation, chasing that

[00:14:20] Let me make sure that everything's okay, let me take care of everything

[00:14:23] As children, we don't have agency

[00:14:27] But newsflash, like best thing ever, you as an adult, you do have agency

[00:14:33] You have tons of options and choices at your disposal

[00:14:37] Now impeccable boundaries are much more challenging for perfectionistic people

[00:14:43] Because we are just so used to being attuned

[00:14:47] Like our antennas are focused outwards

[00:14:49] You are just really used to being attuned and honed in on other people in your life

[00:14:55] More so than yourself

[00:14:56] You're way more keyed into, oh they made that look

[00:15:00] I think they are upset with me

[00:15:02] Are they disappointed in me? Oh my gosh, are they pissed?

[00:15:06] Like are they okay?

[00:15:07] Instead of doing that for yourself

[00:15:09] Like my hands are getting really clenched

[00:15:12] Oh my body temperature is rising, what's going on with me

[00:15:15] Am I not liking this right now?

[00:15:17] Do I need a change of scenery?

[00:15:19] The way that we rewire this is recognizing

[00:15:22] Your neurophysiologicals have learned this pattern

[00:15:25] And practice this pattern of needing other people to change

[00:15:30] In order for you to be okay

[00:15:33] This is a poisonous pattern

[00:15:35] Because it keeps you carrying, managing and controlling

[00:15:40] The behavior of the people you love the most

[00:15:44] Including how they feel about you, what they think about you

[00:15:49] And also probably what they blame you for

[00:15:52] Instead of focusing on managing your own emotional ecosystem

[00:15:57] Taking charge of your own life

[00:16:00] Being in touch with your own inter-oceptive awareness

[00:16:03] Securing and stabilizing you and your children's emotional physical

[00:16:09] And mental safety

[00:16:12] This is why a boundary set up for control

[00:16:16] AKA an ineffective boundary

[00:16:18] relies on somebody else to change

[00:16:22] That isn't really a boundary

[00:16:24] Because it's coming from the wound of learned helplessness

[00:16:28] Of needing other people to like us

[00:16:31] Of needing other people to understand where we're coming from

[00:16:35] Of needing them to change so that we can be safe

[00:16:39] Allowing them to be okay so we can be okay

[00:16:43] Where an impeccable boundary is a gorgeous

[00:16:46] Guard rail that we set up around our internal systems

[00:16:52] Around our health and around our well-being

[00:16:56] And packable boundaries

[00:16:58] Remind us, we're an adult

[00:17:00] And we have our own power and agency to choose

[00:17:03] We can choose how we want to respond

[00:17:07] What we want to engage with, what we want to dignify with the response

[00:17:11] And what we want our behavior to be

[00:17:16] Like if you're partner, if your child is having a meltdown

[00:17:21] And is yelling at you

[00:17:23] You have the power and agency to decide what you want your behavior to be

[00:17:27] Without controlling their behavior

[00:17:28] Which is sometimes mean I am not engaging in this situation

[00:17:31] Like you always always always have the power and agency to choose

[00:17:37] How you want to respond and what you want your behavior to be

[00:17:41] The opposite of that is if you are just reacting

[00:17:44] And you're like this came out and you're like

[00:17:46] I wish I could say that differently

[00:17:48] Or I wish I would have handled that differently

[00:17:49] Your power and your agency is not dependent on how your partner is acting

[00:17:56] How your spouse is feeling, how your boss is behaving, etc

[00:17:59] An impeccable boundary recognizes your own power and agency

[00:18:04] To choose how you want to act and how you want your behavior to be

[00:18:11] Regardless of what other people think and feel about us

[00:18:15] An example of this is when we're first starting coaching together

[00:18:19] And I tell you that the coaching line you can text me anytime

[00:18:23] 24-7. You can audio me, you can call me

[00:18:26] A question that I get from most of you is do you ever have problems with clients

[00:18:30] Abusing that all the time or whatever restrictions what are the roles

[00:18:33] That tells me you're used to ineffective boundaries which are boundaries that come from control

[00:18:37] I just say that we have an understanding

[00:18:39] You can contact me as much as you want whenever you want

[00:18:43] And I get to respond to you as much as I want and whenever I want

[00:18:47] In order for me to have an impeccable boundary I had to recognize my power and my agency

[00:18:52] That I get to do what I want to do I choose this for my business and for myself

[00:18:57] Having a stress free relationship with my phone not a spec of resentment

[00:19:02] And my relationships with all of you regardless of what you think about that and feel about that

[00:19:10] When you do that for yourself this is such a huge turning point in rewiring

[00:19:15] And your ability to engage positive neuroplasticity

[00:19:20] This is what is going to help you feel more inflow centered and grounded

[00:19:24] You will not activate neuroplasticity you will not rewire

[00:19:30] If you continue to control and carry how everyone around you is thinking and feeling

[00:19:35] If you are carrying and controlling and taking on the emotions of other people

[00:19:41] I highly recommend you listen to the public podcast on carrying versus controlling

[00:19:47] I will put a link to it

[00:19:48] So we have those impeccable boundaries to keep our relationship with ourselves thriving

[00:19:55] Nourishing and supportive versus trying to control other people around us

[00:20:00] Because we have a confused relationship with ourselves

[00:20:04] We're not in touch with our own bodies and our own brains

[00:20:06] So for me for example I now have a much better relationship with myself

[00:20:11] Previously when I was setting hours when it's okay to text me and how you need to coach yourself before you text me

[00:20:20] I was trying to control my clients

[00:20:22] And I did have a confused relationship with myself

[00:20:25] When I first came out of the coaching closet and I did this business full time

[00:20:29] I did not have the confidence and conviction in myself that I do now

[00:20:34] I was totally living from the neck up

[00:20:37] I would have these sensations in my body but I couldn't really turn my brain off

[00:20:42] And that led to me trying to control clients with the communication

[00:20:46] And now since I'm no longer confused I haven't impeccable boundaries

[00:20:50] impeccable boundaries are for you

[00:20:52] And you almost want to think of them as the code of behavior for you

[00:20:57] It's a standard of safety for yourself

[00:21:00] That means you do not have to go and communicate your boundaries to other people

[00:21:06] If you've been taught well of course we need to go around and announce our boundaries to other people

[00:21:12] When you're doing that what you're doing is you're saying this is what I'm doing now

[00:21:16] And this is who I am now

[00:21:18] Here's why you don't want to do that

[00:21:19] You can actually be perpetuating a very harmful cycle where you're looking to someone outside of you

[00:21:27] To approve or validate your decisions

[00:21:30] By the way, this is way different than coaching together

[00:21:33] Telling me so here's what I think I'm going to do

[00:21:35] This is very different than when you go around and you're just like announcing other people

[00:21:39] This is my impeccable boundary and this is my floor get with the program or get out of here

[00:21:44] A really helpful way of knowing

[00:21:47] When do I need to share my impeccable boundaries and when do I not?

[00:21:52] I'm not talking about going around announcing them

[00:21:54] I'm talking about when you are implementing them

[00:21:56] When you are honoring your impeccable boundaries

[00:21:58] When do I tell someone?

[00:22:00] Here's an easy way to remember sharing is caring

[00:22:03] Only share the impeccable boundary when you can from a place of care

[00:22:08] Not about them but caring for yourself

[00:22:12] An example of that could be where someone you love is kind of losing their shit

[00:22:18] And being verbally abusive to you

[00:22:21] In that situation, you can simply say you know what?

[00:22:24] I'm removing myself from this situation

[00:22:26] I really don't like how I'm being spoken to right now

[00:22:30] And that's it and then you remove yourself

[00:22:32] What you've done there is you've made yourself clear

[00:22:35] You've communicated directly

[00:22:37] You've made your decision and you honored it

[00:22:41] Now, person you love they probably have their own thoughts and feelings about that

[00:22:45] But guess what? You're not caring that

[00:22:48] You're allowing that person to have their own emotional ecosystem

[00:22:51] As you honor your own impeccable boundaries

[00:22:54] You are unconditionally loving each other

[00:22:57] Because you are allowing them to be the full expression of who they are

[00:23:03] As they are right now

[00:23:04] And also allowing yourself to be the full self of who you are as you are right now

[00:23:10] When you are choosing instead of shopping at the belief story

[00:23:14] You're shopping at the boundaries story, the impeccable boundary story

[00:23:17] Where all boundaries are

[00:23:19] Shesk is amazing

[00:23:21] How's this beneficial to you?

[00:23:23] Are sculpting your muscles of self trust by trusting yourself to keep yourself safe

[00:23:28] Instead of what might be happening for you right now at a subconscious level

[00:23:32] Your subconscious is getting safety as it's thinking the way that we get safety is by other people loving us

[00:23:37] The way that we get safety is by other people liking us, the way that we get safety is by other people

[00:23:42] Approving us the way that we get safety is by us taking care of the needs of every person

[00:23:46] And our family and putting ourselves in second place

[00:23:49] Instead what you're doing is you are sculpting your muscles of self trust by having your own code of safety

[00:23:57] Psychological, emotional and physical safety

[00:24:00] The way that you do that is through the tiny and mighty choices you make day to day

[00:24:05] Hmm, this doesn't feel right for me

[00:24:07] Hmm, I'm not doing that. This doesn't feel good for me when you are doing that

[00:24:11] It reinforces a relationship with yourself where you have your own agency

[00:24:16] You're making that decision on your own

[00:24:19] You're not going to the person that will be in your house and asking them to validate your decisions and placement of flooring

[00:24:28] When I'm talking about the person that will be in your house like anyone outside of you

[00:24:32] You don't go to them and ask them to validate the boundaries you're laying on your floor

[00:24:37] Why?

[00:24:38] Because the people that hurt you don't have the ability to heal you

[00:24:43] This is not the same as hurt people hurt people. It's nothing to do with that. We're just saying that the person who caused the injury doesn't have the ability to heal it

[00:24:52] If you got an amager blowout argument with your spouse, that person doesn't have the ability for you to feel better about it

[00:25:00] Or for you to not be upset or for you to get through the resentment and the anger

[00:25:04] Curdally under yes, it is fantastic when the people that we love do their own work

[00:25:11] Take responsibility and come to their own realizations

[00:25:15] Then you come together and this relationship evolves and it becomes something completely different

[00:25:23] Many times that doesn't happen. It's fantastic when it does

[00:25:28] But a lot of the time that doesn't happen impeccable boundaries help ground us into our person, our physical body and create that presence

[00:25:40] The presence that we're all seeking so that we're not

[00:25:43] Reminating catastrophizing over thinking that we are like in the moment and impeccable boundaries help us

[00:25:50] Not get all bigigity and fragmented by managing the energy of other people

[00:25:57] Which is really impossible to do when you are taking on the load of other people

[00:26:02] That is what keeps a stuck in our survival responses

[00:26:07] We can't have that be a condition on our ability to thrive

[00:26:13] You can have a healthy thriving relationship with yourself that promotes your joy, peace and liberation without anybody else changing

[00:26:23] A great analogy for this that like really really changed my because I was not in a healthy relationship at the time with my partner

[00:26:34] But I loved them so much and we had built so much together

[00:26:38] I was like height of my people pleasing era and I was like they caused it. They need to fix it

[00:26:46] They need to make this right

[00:26:47] I wasn't willing at that point to change the status of the relationship

[00:26:52] There were a lot of things involved that I thought made it more complicated, but actually it doesn't

[00:26:56] So this was the analogy that got my ass in gear and maybe it will hit home for you to

[00:27:01] Let's say a truck accidentally runs you over. You're not dead, but like you definitely have some broken bones

[00:27:08] This driver that hit you with the truck they might be super sorry and feels really guilty

[00:27:14] Or they might be like oh fuck I hit someone and dash off

[00:27:18] Either way, whatever they choose to do, you're still the one that's got the injuries

[00:27:23] It's not your fault, but it is your responsibility if you want to get better

[00:27:28] Like you're the one that's got to do the work

[00:27:32] You're the one that has to go to the physical therapy, take the medication and spend the weeks in the hospital

[00:27:39] That is your responsibility to do the same thing when it comes to removing resentment and putting impeccable boundaries in place

[00:27:48] That is our work to do

[00:27:50] And when I say are I mean it me and you because I'm in your corner

[00:27:54] You're not in this alone if this feels like overwhelming to you

[00:27:57] That's why you got me by your side another reason why impeccable boundaries are super cool

[00:28:03] Is they prevent you from perpetuating unhealthy patterns or bad habits as a lot of you guys call them like people pleasing abandoning ourselves

[00:28:13] And enabling unsafe behavior

[00:28:15] These impeccable boundaries are a natural barrier and prevent you from continuing unhealthy patterns

[00:28:23] Like getting into emotionally and mentally unsafe relationship dynamics or enabling hurtful language and emotionally abusive behavior

[00:28:41] This isn't about controlling but if you do nothing then you are enabling it

[00:28:46] We teach people how to treat us these impeccable boundaries put you back in charge

[00:28:51] Instead of feeling like your life is dictated by your artistic child's outbursts

[00:28:57] Your partners mental health problems or your cut throat demanding career

[00:29:03] By you creating that healthy thriving relationship with yourself

[00:29:09] Guess what you gain the ability to have healthy thriving relationships with other people

[00:29:17] Remember we can't give what we don't have and establish these impeccable boundaries

[00:29:22] If you're like oh my god that feels like so much energy

[00:29:25] I know where you can get a lot of energy by you stop carrying around the feelings and thoughts of the people in your orbit

[00:29:36] This is another plug for listening to that episode of carrying versus carrying and it is a must listen and is linked in the show notes

[00:29:44] As much as our brain, seductively as it whispers hey do this so you can make them feel this way

[00:29:51] Or if you do this they'll like you more if you do this if you make them dinner they'll love you more

[00:29:57] Hey if you don't go to that workout session that you really want to go to then they'll think your team player as much as

[00:30:04] We might be hearing those lies inside we do not have the ability to control the thoughts or feelings of anyone but ourselves

[00:30:15] I promise that as soon as I figure out how we can control what other people think and feel y'all will be the first to know impeccable boundaries set a beautiful foundation for true intimacy

[00:30:31] Real true intimacy where you have two resilient people honoring each other and honoring themselves the types of relationship dynamics

[00:30:41] You want to cultivate an example of this like Syllji how do I know that this is true?

[00:30:47] How do I know that if I do the work of setting these beautiful boundaries and I stop carrying around whether people think how do I know it will be more resilient

[00:30:55] And my relationships will get better. How do I know that? How you know look at our relationship?

[00:31:02] impeccable boundaries are rooted in the truth. Our relationship is rooted in truth that has set a beautiful foundation

[00:31:11] For us to have this intimate relationship together of client and coach

[00:31:17] When we come together at the end of our session or even during you say I just feel like a weight has been lifted

[00:31:25] Or I feel so much better now about this I can see so much clearer why this takes place is because we are two resilient people honoring each other and honoring ourselves.

[00:31:38] You get the full experience of you and the full experience of the other person without attachment and without control that unconditional love

[00:31:49] That's what you get in our coaching relationship. That's why it probably feels so liberating it allows for the full experience of you and the full experience of me

[00:32:00] We're both not attached and we're not trying to control how the other person is. We're not people pleasing each other. We're there for the reality and the truth.

[00:32:10] Those are the kinds of relationship dynamics that you get to cultivate and create with whoever you want and they start with impeccable boundaries.

[00:32:19] How do you actually go about creating impeccable boundaries?

[00:32:22] Some questions to ask yourself what are choices or situations that you're no longer going to engage in?

[00:32:29] What are situations you feel you're compromising yourself?

[00:32:33] What are situations where you are like I'm no longer gonna settle for less?

[00:32:38] What is it that you're not gonna worry about anymore? How am I gonna treat myself? What is my floor?

[00:32:45] What am I unwilling to pressure myself about?

[00:32:48] I also think about what is not allowed. What's not allowed across all my floors of life. What's not allowed being yelled at?

[00:32:55] How am I gonna treat myself in my romantic relationship?

[00:32:58] I'm not going to allow my partner to treat me or speak to me in ways that I don't allow anybody else to.

[00:33:05] How am I gonna treat myself in my own business? I'm gonna treat myself like someone I love and care about.

[00:33:10] And someone that I like. So those are some examples for you impeccable boundaries are floors that you walk on.

[00:33:17] Like the floor in your career room is different than the floor of your relationship room,

[00:33:23] some of those overlap but it can be helpful to start with a specific floor.

[00:33:29] If you're having trouble with this if your brain is an already like going then start with a specific floor.

[00:33:35] I would highly recommend for your relationship room. I'm not gonna worry about what my partner is thinking about me.

[00:33:42] I'm not gonna worry about what other people are feeling. I'm not gonna worry about if someone is judging me.

[00:33:49] If for my own floor that just goes across the board,

[00:33:51] I'm not gonna worry about if I made the right choice. Why? I either made the right choice the first time or I will make it right.

[00:33:58] Therefore all my decisions are right.

[00:33:59] Now once you have your floor, you can always make choices or engage in situations that we can it.

[00:34:07] impeccable boundaries, there are really great checkpoint for yourself when you're feeling a certain way

[00:34:12] Are any of my impeccable boundaries? Are like the floor boards loose?

[00:34:17] This is such a fun thing to think about because the floor isn't permanent, you can switch out the layout

[00:34:23] but to really go shopping like at the boundary store to make up your floor.

[00:34:29] When you think about your floors and the impeccable boundaries they are built with, it is for you

[00:34:34] and your tiny humans if you have children in your household who are under 25 as a parent,

[00:34:42] you are there to provide stabilize and secure your children's emotional safety, psychological safety, and physical safety.

[00:34:52] And if that gives you the gumshen and the motivation to start creating your floors and build it with those impeccable boundaries, then use it.

[00:35:02] Come to me with your floors and your boundaries. The impeccable boundaries that are making them up,

[00:35:08] if you need help like laying down your floors or filling in a few key pieces,

[00:35:13] bring them to session. The next episode is going to be just as eye-opening about the root of resentment

[00:35:20] and specifically resentment when it comes to your most intimate relationships.

[00:35:25] I'm not talking about resentment of how come she got three staples, and I only got two.

[00:35:31] I'm not talking about like petty grudges that you hold against other people and talking about the resentment you're like, I want to shake.

[00:35:38] Listen up, taking charge of your perfectionism is so much easier than you have been led to believe.

[00:35:45] Whether you want to stop playing out worst case scenarios in your head or be joyfully present and vicious again,

[00:35:51] you don't need more rigid rules, guess where or hard work and perfectionism recovery.

[00:35:58] You need a framework that helps you understand and most importantly rewire your perfectionistic habits from the inside out.

[00:36:06] It starts inside of perfectionism optimized, besides the obvious mental health and wellness benefits.

[00:36:13] Rewiring your perfectionism is the fastest way to figure out what's really underneath your perfectionistic patterns.

[00:36:21] This radically different proven proprietary approach helps you succeed by dropping the contempt and judgment that blocks change.

[00:36:30] Discover how to trust yourself, take control of your world and feel truly empowered to own your perfectionism instead of being owned by it.

[00:36:42] Head on over to CourtneyLoveGavin.com and start your transformation today.