How to Get More Confidence (Instead of Waiting For It)

[00:00:00] Waiting for confidence is the same thing as waiting for a stork to bring you a baby.

[00:00:05] Confidence doesn't just appear. Confidence is a byproduct of courage, just like a baby is a

[00:00:11] byproduct of sperm and an egg. When you have courage to do something new, you gain confidence.

[00:00:17] You get courage from taking stock of what you're already capable of. Confidence is not found in

[00:00:24] knowing that you can do something. It's in knowing that even if you can't, it's not going to break you.

[00:00:30] It's believing in that if you are ready to burn bright instead of burning out, to lead without

[00:00:37] losing yourself, and to enjoy the life you have worked so hard to create, then keep listening.

[00:00:43] I'm your host, America's leader on rewiring perfectionism, CLG, and this is Perfectionism

[00:00:51] Rewired, the podcast. Welcome to Perfectionism Rewired. Today we're talking about all of the

[00:00:57] ways that perfectionists wait for more confidence and what it's costing you. Even if you're like,

[00:01:05] CLG, I don't wait. My problem is with patience. Waiting for you probably is disguised as indecision,

[00:01:14] needing to be 100% sure, getting confused, or overwhelmed. Okay, first let's get into the why.

[00:01:23] Why is it that perfectionists are spectacular at waiting for more confidence? We perceive

[00:01:30] waiting as a shield, like waiting as shielding us from believing even more that we're not good enough.

[00:01:38] I touched on this in an episode that's linked in the show notes on fixed mindset versus growth

[00:01:43] mindset. Fixed mindset is when your subconscious believes your intelligence, abilities, capacity,

[00:01:51] and talents are fixed. Like this is as good as it's ever going to get. You are no longer going to

[00:01:57] grow or develop or evolve as a human being. When you are in that fixed mindset, everything you do,

[00:02:03] all of the outcomes you create become evidence in the worst game you could ever play with yourself,

[00:02:10] which is whether or not you are good enough. When you're a perfectionist who tethers your self-worth

[00:02:18] to your performance or needs external validation just to feel good about yourself, any choice point

[00:02:25] that could further support the narrative of you not being good enough, that's super painful.

[00:02:32] So you avoid it. You wait. You don't decide. You stay in overwhelm. You stay at the mercy of time,

[00:02:41] money, space, certainty, confidence. This is why you might be very successful already. Like most people

[00:02:49] in your life think, man, you've got your stuff together, yet you still feel inadequate. You are unable to

[00:02:59] enjoy the life that you have worked so hard to create due to the perspective you are viewing the world,

[00:03:07] which is that you're not good enough. The story of your self-worth is tethered to what other people

[00:03:15] think about you and that you're only as good or as valid or as worthy as your last achievement was.

[00:03:24] Another reason why perfectionists love to wait is because if we're waiting, we tend to believe

[00:03:32] we're not failing. However, that is not true. If you're waiting, you're not actively failing.

[00:03:38] You're passively failing, which is the worst because when you're passively failing,

[00:03:43] you don't get any of the lessons that you get when you actively fail. When you actively fail,

[00:03:49] you get new lines of discovery. If you're waiting, you're killing your self-trust and your confidence

[00:03:55] slowly. If you're waiting, you are never seeing what you're actually capable of.

[00:04:02] Especially as a perfectionist, when you are waiting, you are not making the impact on this world

[00:04:08] that only a perfectionist is capable of. You are living this status quo life where you're not really

[00:04:15] succeeding or if you do, you don't feel proud about it. All you can look at is what you could

[00:04:19] have done better. You automatically go to criticize myself, get back on that hustling for my worth train.

[00:04:25] Imagine if Dolly Parton, RuPaul, Tina Fey, Mr. Rogers, Julia Child, Serena Williams, Beyonce, Adele,

[00:04:33] Steve Jobs, MLK Jr., Albert Einstein, Sarah Blakely, Kobe Bryant, Michael Jordan, Walt Disney,

[00:04:40] Marie Kondo, Tyler Perry, Brene Brown, Big Sean, Megan V. Stallion, Gloria Steinem, Reese Witherspoon,

[00:04:48] Lizzo, Dwayne The Rock Johnson, Jane Goodall, Lucille Ball, Nelson Mandela, Jennifer Lopez,

[00:04:55] Lisa Ling, Pharrell, Issa Rae. Those are all perfectionists. Imagine if all of them decided to

[00:05:03] wait. Imagine if they did not make an impact that they as a perfectionist are only capable.

[00:05:11] That's why this episode is really important. Now let's get into all of the ways that perfectionists

[00:05:17] wait for more confidence and what it's costing you. You probably believe that you are smart and

[00:05:24] capable, but at the same time, internally, you have this trench bowl Miranda Priestly,

[00:05:29] Judgey McJudgerson voice in your head that points out every mistake and continues to water your weeds

[00:05:35] of self-doubt and undeservingness. I want to clear up any confusion around confidence, and I'm giving you

[00:05:41] the formula, the recipe for how confidence is created. Now let's get to my favorite part of every podcast,

[00:05:48] the analogies. Waiting for confidence is the same thing as waiting for a stork to bring you a baby.

[00:05:55] Confidence doesn't just appear. It is the third step in the capability, courage, confidence formula.

[00:06:02] Confidence is a byproduct of courage, just like a baby is a byproduct of sperm and an egg. When you

[00:06:10] have courage to do something new, you gain confidence. You get courage from taking stock

[00:06:16] of what you're already capable of. You do an inventory with yourself. Confidence is not found

[00:06:23] in knowing that you can do something. It's in knowing that even if you can't, it's not going to break you.

[00:06:30] It's believing in that, okay, I have these capabilities. Creating confidence comes from a place of capability

[00:06:38] and courage, and that is just one thing that we work on together inside of private one-on-one coaching.

[00:06:43] If you are waiting to be confident, coaching with me will make your life better. Maybe you're waiting

[00:06:50] to be 100% certain this is going to work for you. Ask yourself, what would it be like to be sure

[00:06:55] that you will get what you want out of the experience? What if there was no way you'd walk

[00:07:00] away unfulfilled because you are capable of going for it and giving it your all? Throw a little courage

[00:07:07] in there and apply for one-on-one coaching right now. Pause the podcast, go to CourtneyLoveGavin.com

[00:07:11] optimized. Waiting depletes your confidence, and every single day you continue to not take steps

[00:07:18] towards what you desire, which if you're listening to this podcast, I know that you desire change.

[00:07:23] I know that you desire growth. When you wait, the confidence you already have, it's going to keep

[00:07:28] depleting along with your self-trust. And if you're like, CLG, I don't trust myself to follow through

[00:07:34] with this. Waiting for self-trust is just like waiting for the stork to drop a baby. Self-trust is

[00:07:40] built like confidence. Self-trust comes by making tiny commitments to yourself, following through

[00:07:46] with them, and doing it over and over again. Waiting for more of anything puts you in victim mode. Why?

[00:07:55] Because when you are waiting, you're making certainty, money, time, space more powerful than you are.

[00:08:04] They are in control of you instead of you being in control of them. Time is dictating your choices.

[00:08:11] Money is a restriction instead of a resource. One thing I want every person who listens to

[00:08:19] Perfectionism Rewired to walk away with, it's empowerment. For you to be empowered by your

[00:08:26] perfectionistic tendencies and take charge of your life, not in a gripping, controlling, white-knuckling

[00:08:34] type way, but to take charge of your life in an empowered way so that you are able to fully enjoy

[00:08:43] the life that you have worked so hard to create. Your action step for this episode is to create

[00:08:50] that change that you are waiting for right now. Get off the sidelines and into the arena of your life

[00:08:56] and start playing. The next episode, we're talking about all of the ways that perfectionists

[00:09:02] wait for things to calm down and what it's costing you. Listen up. Taking charge of your

[00:09:08] perfectionism is so much easier than you have been led to believe. Whether you want to stop playing out

[00:09:15] worst-case scenarios in your head or be joyfully present ambitious again, you don't need more rigid

[00:09:21] rules, guesswork, or hard work in perfectionism recovery. You need a framework that helps you

[00:09:29] understand and most importantly rewire your perfectionistic habits from the inside out.

[00:09:35] It starts inside of perfectionism optimized. Besides the obvious mental health and wellness benefits,

[00:09:42] rewiring your perfectionism is the fastest way to figure out what's really underneath your

[00:09:48] perfectionistic patterns. This radically different proven proprietary approach helps you succeed by dropping

[00:09:56] the contempt and judgment that blocks change. Discover how to trust yourself, take control of your world,

[00:10:03] and feel truly empowered to own your perfectionism instead of being owned by it. Head on over to

[00:10:11] CourtneyLoveGavin.com and start your transformation today.