You’re doing everything right. You’re ambitious, successful + driven. So why is it your energy is nonexistent, patience is razor-thin + your mind can't stop overthinking? If your days are starting with dread and ending in exhaustion — this episode is your wake-up call.
On paper, you’ve got it together— isn’t it time you felt like it? Whether it's stop playing out worst case scenarios in your head or accessing your abilities in a way burnt out you could never compete with, Perfectionism Optimized, private 1-1 coaching gives you the life-long skills to *finally feel* as amazing on the inside as your life looks on the outside. Get your stress-free start today at https://courtneylovegavin.com/rewire
In this Episode You’ll Learn:
How pushing through dewires your brain into survival mode
What caffeine, people pleasing + Top Ramen have in common
16 surprising signs your brain is starving
Why ruminating and indecisiveness are symptoms—not problems to solve
How a healthy Person Account™ allows you to access your abilities in a way burnt out you could never compete with
Resources Mentioned In Episode 253:
Recharge your Person Account Book your Perfect Start 1:1 session now
Magic Skill for Control of Emotions [Neuroscience Series #1] Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 248
How Perfectionist Brain *Actually* Works [Neuroscience Series #2] Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 249
Can't Stop Ruminating? Here's Why [Neuroscience Series #3] Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 250
Neuroplasticity [Neuroscience Series #4] Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 251
#1 Thing Stops Perfectionists From Growth [Neuroscience Series #5] Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 252
TIMESTAMPS:
02:09-Why Perfectionists Need More Fuel for Our Brains
04:10-MYTH: You Have to Stop Being a Perfectionist
06:24-Clues You’re on the Path to Chronic Stress
09:32-Burn Out is Not the Price of Ambition
10:25-Case Study: How Stacey found Clarity, Energy, Peace
12:43-I Ruminate Over Decisions bc I Need to Make the Right Decision
14:05-Why You’re Choosing Instant Relief (and Paying Later)
16:11-A Healthy Person Account™ = Liberation
17:32-How to Always Know How Your Person Account™ is Doing
Citations/Sources:
Barrett, L. F. (2017). How emotions are made: The secret life of the brain. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.
Barrett, L. F., Quigley, K. S., & Hamilton, P. (2016). An active inference theory of allostasis and interoception in depression. *Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society B: Biological Sciences*, *371*(1708), 20160011. https://doi.org/10.1098/rstb.2016.0011
Bobba-Alves, N., Juster, R.-P., & Picard, M. (2022). The energetic cost of allostasis and allostatic load. Psychoneuroendocrinology, 146, 105951. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.psyneuen.2022.105951
Dwyer, P. (2022). The Neurodiversity Approach(es): What Are They and What Do They Mean for Researchers? Human Development, 66(2), 73–92. https://doi.org/10.1159/000523723
Ganzel, B. L., & Morris, P. A. (2011). Allostasis and the developing human brain: Explicit consideration of implicit models. Development and Psychopathology, 23(4), 955–974. https://doi.org/10.1017/s0954579411000447
Guidi, J., Lucente, M., Sonino, N., & Fava, Giovanni A. (2020). Allostatic Load and Its Impact on Health: A Systematic Review. Psychotherapy and Psychosomatics, 90(1), 11–27. https://doi.org/10.1159/000510696
Kleckner, I. R., Zhang, J., Touroutoglou, A., Chanes, L., Xia, C., Simmons, W. K., Quigley, K. S., Dickerson, B. C., & Feldman Barrett, L. (2017). Evidence for a large-scale brain system supporting allostasis and interoception in humans. Nature Human Behaviour, 1(5). https://doi.org/10.1038/s41562-017-0069
Knezevic, E., Katarina Nenic, Milanovic, V., & Knezevic, N. N. (2023). The Role of Cortisol in Chronic Stress, Neurodegenerative Diseases, and Psychological Disorders. Cells, 12(23), 2726–2726. https://doi.org/10.3390/cells12232726
McEwen, B. S., & Gianaros, P. J. (2011). Stress- and Allostasis-Induced Brain Plasticity. Annual Review of Medicine, 62(1), 431–445. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-med-052209-100430
Perfectionism Rewired is committed to truth and accuracy through a perfectionist affirming lens, offering cutting-edge research on perfectionism, interoception + neuroscience, for the practical perfectionist who wants to enjoy the life they've worked so hard to create.
Transcript for Episode 254:
Courtney Love Gavin (CLG) [00:00:00]:
If you are ready to burn bright instead of burning out, to lead without losing yourself, and to enjoy the life you have worked so hard to create, then keep listening. I'm your host, America's leader on rewiring perfectionism, CLG, and this is Perfectionism Rewired, the podcast. Welcome to Perfectionism Rewired. Today, we're talking about the surprising signs that your person account is depleted. This is crucial because when your person account is healthy, you are able to access your abilities in a way burnt out you could never compete with. This episode is part of our scientific series on the perfectionist brain's remarkable ability to navigate and interpret the world, AKA how your perfectionist brain actually works. All episodes up until now are linked in this episode's show notes. If this is your first episode listening to Perfectionism Rewired, welcome.
Courtney Love Gavin (CLG) [00:01:11]:
In order to understand what your person account is, I highly recommend pausing here and listening to Perfectionism Rewired episode 252. There's a link in the show notes. Your person account is just like your bank account. It is the available internal resources that your brain has to do its job, which is to regulate your internal systems in the most efficient way to keep you alive and well. In order for your brain to do its job to regulate your internal systems, It needs resources. The status of those resources is your person account. Scientific research recently discovered perfectionist brains cost more to operate. Just the bare minimum to stay alive and well.
Courtney Love Gavin (CLG) [00:02:09]:
I like to think of it as when you have a Ferrari, it usually calls for you to put the premium gas in it. Fueling that car is more costly than, say, a Honda. Same thing. Perfectionist brains cost more to operate. Those of us with perfectionistic tendencies operate in a depleted state much of the time without even realizing it. This was me before I became a healthy perfectionist and rewired. Like, we're operating with these depleted person accounts, but we don't even realize it until we crash, get really frazzled. And it leaves us asking, what happened? Why did I just snap at my spouse? How did I get here? When your person account is depleted, your brain stops spending on non essentials, like your growth, like developing new skills.
Courtney Love Gavin (CLG) [00:03:09]:
Your person account is more influential to what you see, peer, feel, and act than the outside world is. The health of your person account is the basis for every thought and perception you have. As we go through the signs of a depleted person account in today's episode, your eyes will be opened up to, oh my goodness. I had no idea that my person account is directly related to my gut health. When you're listening to the signs, just imagine them trending in the opposite direction. Like, trending positively. That's what the health of your person account can bring you. Before we get into what those signs are, please know that perfectionism does not have to be a struggle.
Courtney Love Gavin (CLG) [00:04:10]:
And for this episode in particular, listen close, you do not need to stop being a perfectionist to have a healthy person account. Some of the signs you might feel are what you equate to being a perfectionist. Utterly untrue. So let's get into it. Signs that your Person Account is running at a deficit. If you wake up in the morning and you're already ruminating about all the things you have to do in a day and how stressful it's going to be, that's a sign that you are starting the day with a depletion in your person account. When that happens, your brain's going to have a more difficult time regulating your internal systems. It's gonna be rougher for it to do its job.
Courtney Love Gavin (CLG) [00:05:08]:
And because of that, everything that you experience is going to have a tinge of negativity to it, which, by the way, if this is you and this is how you're waking up, on the Perfect Start one on one session, I give you tools you can use so that your person account doesn't continue to get depleted, and your day doesn't continue to have a tinge of negativity to it. Not feeling better in the morning than you felt the night before. Let's say you felt awful, just like, you know, going to sleep, and then you wake up in the morning and you still feel, if that's happening with you, that's a clue you gotta make change in your life. What that tells us, that sign, means you are on the path to chronic stress, if you're not already. And chronic stress is extremely unhealthy in the biological sense. It is medically unhealthy for you if you wake up feeling worse than when you went to sleep. That means that you must. Like, you gotta have to.
Courtney Love Gavin (CLG) [00:06:24]:
I don't like to use the word have to, but here, it's relevant. You have to take better care of your person accounts. Here are some other signs that your person account is running at a deficit. This is a great time to get out your notebook or open up notes on your phone. Keep a tally on how many of these signs of a depleted person account come up for you. If you wake up feeling worse than when you went to sleep. If you find yourself feeling drained after social interactions when you're usually a people person, and if you're an introvert like me, you find yourself feeling super drained after social interactions. You're ruminating more and more.
Courtney Love Gavin (CLG) [00:07:15]:
Minor setbacks bother you majorly. Your patience is very thin. Previously enjoyable activities are now meh for you. They're just like, they're not not enjoyable, but they aren't enjoyable. During conversations with people you love or super important meetings, maintaining focus is titanically hard. You're overwhelmed by daily tasks. Emotions are running high. You'll be like, why am I so upset about this? Yet you're very upset.
Courtney Love Gavin (CLG) [00:08:01]:
Inflammation anywhere on the outside or inside your person. Anything autoimmune related, skin issues, eczema, psoriasis, rosacea, acne, hives. If you have any weird rashes or infections, feeling depressed, if you're having panic attacks, snapping at your partner, wanting to be alone more than usual, experiencing difficulty in making decisions even for super small things, like which parking spot should I park in, wishing you could go in a cave and hibernate, Difficulty absorbing new information. This looks like you listen to Perfectionism Rewired podcast, episode 252. And after listening to the entire episode, you're like, WTF is a person account. You can't make connections between concepts, like how your internal resources are just like your bank account. Decreased retention of newly learned material. You listened to Perfectionism Rewired podcast episode 252 last week, but today, right now, you can't remember it.
Courtney Love Gavin (CLG) [00:09:32]:
A depleted person account is not the price you must pay for being ambitious, successful, or a perfectionist. It's not a natural part of being super busy, a high achiever, or getting older. Perfectionists, we are all fully designed to enjoy flourishing person accounts that provide us with unwavering energy during our multifaceted days. Maybe you're like my client Stacy. Stacy came to me, and her person account was negative, negative, negative, like overdraft to the nth degree. When Stacy first came to me, she didn't know what a person account was, but she knew that something was off. Her attention span was short. Her marriage was stale.
Courtney Love Gavin (CLG) [00:10:25]:
And getting through a normal day of work for her as a teacher took everything she had. She really loved teaching. That was a huge thing for her. She's like, I know that teaching is my calling. I love it. Yet, she felt like a dry sponge at the end of the day. After private one on one coaching inside of perfectionism optimized and getting her person account restored, Stacy said, I forgot what feeling good felt like. I was living in a fog, and now it's like the fog has been lifted.
Courtney Love Gavin (CLG) [00:11:02]:
Now you might be like Stacy, and you know that something is off. Or when listening to the signs that your person account is in the red, you were like, yes. Yes, for sure. Yep, that one too. And if you're wondering, What do I do now? You can take the first step to getting your Person account healthy again, book a perfect start one on one session. You can do that by going to courtneylovegavin.com/rewired, and there's also a link in the show notes. When your personal account is depleted, it becomes harder to focus and maintain attention. Your brain, which is constantly regulating your person's internal systems most efficiently.
Courtney Love Gavin (CLG) [00:11:44]:
Your brain has less resources available for concentrating, listening, decision making, being empathetic, upgrading your habits. And just because you can push through doesn't make it right. When perfectionists come to see me, the most common thing they'll say is, I ruminate over decisions because I need to make the right decision. As we deconstruct this sentence, you will be like, oh my gosh. Yes. That illustrates a person account that's running a deficit beautifully. I ruminate over decisions because I need to make the right decision. We know from the last episode, ruminating is a useless withdrawal from your person account, how it depletes your person account, and also the neural pathways and predictions your brain is using that is causing the rumination.
Courtney Love Gavin (CLG) [00:12:43]:
Having trouble making decisions is a sign that your person account is in the red. I ruminate over decisions because I need to make the right decision. Episode 250, we talk about black and white thinking, what creates that in your brain, and also reduced flexibility in your brain where you find it harder to consider multiple options or perspectives, such as there's a right decision and a wrong decision, that's a huge sign your person account is over withdrawn. When your person account is over withdrawn, your brain prioritizes short term gains over long term benefits, especially in decision making, so that it can conserve resources. It's just like if you have 25¢ and you go to the grocery store, you can afford top ramen. That might short term make you full and bloated. But long term, there's zero nutritional value there. And if heart disease is a concern, the high amount of sodium is not doing you any favors.
Courtney Love Gavin (CLG) [00:14:05]:
It's the same thing when it comes to a depleted person account. Your brain is not able to see the opportunity cost, and so it's prioritizing short term gains, like people pleasing, over long term benefits of having impeccable boundaries. This leads to choices that provide immediate relief or instant gratification, but are not serving you in the long run. Like, in the long run, it's actually hurting you. You end up trying to feel better in well intentioned but unhealthy ways, like working a hundred hours in a week so you can impress your boss and have other people on your team like you. Another way you try to feel better in well intentioned but unhealthy ways is you say yes when you want to say no. This creates a vicious cycle. As your cognitive abilities, like concentrating, listening, decision making, as they continue to decline due to a depleted person account, it becomes more challenging for you to engage in activities that could actually replenish your person account.
Courtney Love Gavin (CLG) [00:15:34]:
Your brain is starving. And when you do those quick fixes, like drinking a bunch of caffeine. Caffeine is like a credit card where you are borrowing resources from tomorrow to use today. It's not taking you out of debt. You understand? That's what caffeine is. Caffeine is a credit card. When you use it, you are borrowing resources from tomorrow to use today. When your person account is healthy, you get liberated.
Courtney Love Gavin (CLG) [00:16:11]:
And that liberation gives you permission to do important core things, like say no to people that drain you. When your person account is flush, you're able to see how much it impacts your quality of life and your aliveness, trying to make the most out of situations that you really need to extract yourself from or create some impeccable boundaries around. Now that you know the signs that your person account is over withdrawn and how, with a healthy person account, you can access your abilities in a way burnt out you could never compete with. You might be like, Is there a way to know before I'm way, way overdrawn? Wouldn't it be awesome if in the moment you had a way of looking at your person account balance so that you can always know how your person account is doing? Guess what? You do have a way of always knowing how your person account is doing. And that is exactly what you'll learn about in the next episode. Until then, take care. Listen up. Taking charge of your perfectionism is so much easier than you have been led to believe.
Courtney Love Gavin (CLG) [00:17:32]:
Whether you wanna stop playing out worst case scenarios in your head or be joyfully present ambitious again, you don't need more rigid rules, guesswork, or hard work, and perfectionism recovery. You need a framework that helps you understand and most importantly, rewire your perfectionistic habits from the inside out. It starts inside of perfectionism optimized. Besides the obvious mental health and wellness benefits, rewiring your perfectionism is the fastest way to figure out what's really underneath your perfectionistic patterns. This radically different proven proprietary approach helps you succeed by dropping the contempt and judgment that blocks change. Discover how to trust yourself, take control of your world, and feel truly empowered to own your perfectionism instead of being owned by it. Head on over to courtneylovegavin.com and start your transformation today.
Perfectionism is very powerful. But only if you know how to leverage it. For more on optimizing your perfectionist tendencies go to courtneylovegavin.com