Never Good Enough...Ends Now

[00:00:00] Hello! Before we start today's episode, if you would like a condensed version of what I'm talking about in this podcast, go ahead and subscribe to The Perfectionist Guide. You can read the entire thing in three minutes or less. To access this, go to CourtneyLupgavin.com slash newsletter.

[00:00:22] Are you a bit of a perfectionist? Type A hyper performer? Then you know what it is like when your perfectionism is a constant God-awful companion. But it doesn't have to be. If you are ready to burn bright instead of burning out, to lead without losing yourself,

[00:00:40] and to enjoy the life you have worked so hard to create, then keep listening. I'm your host, America's leader on rewiring perfectionism, CLG, and this is Perfectionism Rewired, the podcast. Welcome to Perfectionism Rewired. Today we're talking about getting to good enough.

[00:01:01] If you feel like you're never doing enough, it's never quite good enough. Even when you've achieved top honors or you are the youngest person ever to hold your position, that was me when I became head of a global public relations.

[00:01:16] When I was 30, I still felt not good enough. It's funny how once you hit that goal that you've been going for, the rug got swept out from underneath you, the goalposts move.

[00:01:28] You're like, wait, but I just made the basket, but why does it feel like it's farther away and it got taller? So if that's you, if you're feeling like your to-do list never ends, you never feel good enough, and that the enoughness, maybe it has become unbearable,

[00:01:44] or it is unbearable right now, this episode is for you. You are going to learn why this comes up and it's not what you think it is. It's something that I haven't heard any other mental wellness, clinician, coach, anyone in this arena.

[00:02:04] Looking at you, Brené Brown, talk about when it comes to feeling like it's not good enough. I'm gonna let you know why and remember we don't just do why. We're doers here. We take action.

[00:02:17] We actually implement the changes so you feel even better, even more put together than your life looks on the outside. You're just like, ooh, it was an amazing this all over the place. I'm going to tell you how you can do that.

[00:02:31] And if at any point during this episode, you're like, man, I'm picking up what she's throwing down. It's like she's in my head. She knows me. Then I invite you to come work with me inside of Perfectionism Optimize,

[00:02:44] my one-on-one coaching where we take this and it is individually tailored to you. It's not just like therapy where we meet once a week and I bill you for hours. No, this is sumptuous. You have me as a lifeline.

[00:02:59] There's a 24 seven coach text line that you can do. There's a private podcast for you to listen to. There's playbooks. There's a portal. We got so many goodies for you, all the bells and whistles. But what's most important isn't all the cool stuff you get.

[00:03:16] It's the skills that you develop, how you elevate yourself out of the hole it feels like you're in because of your perfectionism. You stop thinking about it and you start being about it and embodying it. You are living a life of purpose. Your relationships are improving.

[00:03:35] Your health is improving. And I'm not just talking about your mental health, talking about your physical health, spiritual health, emotional health. You're just really being, I wouldn't even say the person that you want to be because 100%

[00:03:47] feedback from every single client is that it's beyond what they could even imagine for themselves. They never thought, they just thought that they were stuck with feeling like nothing's ever good enough going to bed feeling crappy.

[00:03:58] So if that's you know that it can get better, I can help you. If you're interested in that, go to CourtneyLiveGavin.com. Perfectionistic people, especially us driven ambitious leader powerhouse people who also happen to have perfectionistic tendencies.

[00:04:19] Enough is it's like the sun something that like we continue to chase. We're like I never finish everything I'm I to do list so just go to bed feeling like I haven't done enough or how do I know what enough is?

[00:04:35] Of course, I wanted a very specific step by step and to have it for each occasion. If this than this, you know, I love an answer tree and it's not enough. It's not one size fits all because what enough is on a Sunday evening at 6.23 PM

[00:04:57] versus what's enough for you on a Wednesday at 4 AM is different. So why is it that perfectionistic people tend to feel not good enough? Is that enough? I could be doing more. I'm not enough. It's basically coming down to you are unsatisfactory in some way and you're

[00:05:18] definitely not feeling satisfied. So why is that? Well, it's because the game is rigged until you play the game as life as an empowered and rewired perfectionist. Everything feels harder and nothing feels like it's good enough because you are fighting against yourself.

[00:05:38] You might be saying I need to be less controlling as you white knuckle your way through or I just need to focus on this but all I can think about is this other thing stop thinking about that. You might be punishing yourself because you didn't get enough done.

[00:05:52] I did that when that job relocated me from San Francisco to Santa Monica. I decided that I would not sleep in my bed until everything was put away. Guess how long I didn't sleep in my bed for almost three weeks.

[00:06:08] Three weeks partner is like your and by the way, I'm six feet tall. So it was like curled up on this little because I think our cat like we had ordered a new couch and I don't arrive yet curled up in this little

[00:06:19] like setay and I have scoliosis. So like we're just not a not a decision that was really in the best interest for me, but I did that because I was like, well, I haven't done enough. And so I thought by withholding sleeping in a bed that was motivating

[00:06:36] for me to get it done. That's the way used to motivate myself by taking things away. The game being rigged the way that you are going about solving it like trying to get everything done isn't going to make you feel that you did enough.

[00:06:49] How do we know this is true? Because if it did, you would already feel that way and it wouldn't be every day you stop at zero. They're like, I got everything done. But then you look at your email and all this right.

[00:06:59] I used to think I wish I could be like Adam Sandler in that movie click and have a remote control and just like pause life going on around me. So then I could go get everything done feel like I did enough and then rejoin with my family.

[00:07:15] That's what I used to think. Maybe you're like this too. That's one way that we know it doesn't work. Also another way doesn't work why it still feels like it's not good enough and the game is rigged against you. Montres affirmations lying to yourself never helpful.

[00:07:30] How do you know that you're lying to yourself? You do a body check and maybe you're living from the neck up like I used to where you're like, what do you mean my body feels things.

[00:07:38] I just thought it's so much easier to have an icebox from my heart used to be and to just be numb not really feel anything. I mean like nope not dealing with those emotions. This is why I'm great in a crisis. Say it to yourself.

[00:07:50] Slow down, slow down your breath. This is good enough. I am enough. If that doesn't feel good to you stop saying it because what it's doing is it is eroding yourself trust. Yes, that's what happens when you lie to yourself, your subconscious

[00:08:05] and your unconscious the likelihood that it actually trusts you goes down. When you don't trust yourself, you have to control everything all the time. You have to do everything right that because you don't show up for

[00:08:17] yourself the way that you show up for other people telling yourself lies. I used to do this by the way not knowingly. I was just like Abraham Hicks in my way and just being like, I'm just going to write this out a thousand times and I'm just

[00:08:30] going to focus on the positive side which talks it's toxic positivity when you firmly believe in your bones in your body that it's not good enough and you genuinely feel that way and there's nothing wrong if you feel that way.

[00:08:46] That's the third reason why the games rigged against you. You're being gaslit. Recovering perfectionist perfectionism recovery. Try not to be such a perfectionist. It's like something that you apologize for perfectionism is not a problem. It's a rigged against you because it's making you believing that

[00:09:02] that there's something wrong with you when I just want you to imagine if you were born with diabetes it would be like, hey, what's wrong with you? Why do you have to keep checking your insulin? Why do you have to monitor that? You know what?

[00:09:16] You're just not good enough. No, we would never say that to someone that has diabetes, especially when they're born with it. It's like no, that's just the way that they are wired. That is the way that their body works. That's just their person. That's how their person works.

[00:09:29] Same thing with you. You are a perfectionist. That is incredible, but you will never get to experience that incredibleness. When you are lying to yourself telling yourself this is good enough making yourself wrong for the way that you feel and fighting against your natural tendencies.

[00:09:48] So what's the solution? Play a different game. Play the game of being an empowered perfectionist. Figure out what is it about your perfectionism that you actually enjoy? What is it giving you? Because everything has an intristic value for you.

[00:10:05] There is a perk that you are getting from it. And then realize that those just need a different playground. And to ask yourself, what is enough? And to know that it changes all the time, which with perfectionists, we like a challenge.

[00:10:21] We love seeing what's possible having a vision and bringing it into the reality. Because we have the compulsion and we have the energy and we have the drive in order to do that. I think this is enough for this episode. How do I know? Because I decided.

[00:10:35] If you want to be decisive, if you want to go to bed feeling proud of yourself, feeling accomplished, feeling relaxed when you're with your family, you're with your family. Your mind isn't somewhere else. When you're at work, you're at work. When you're hanging out, you're hanging out.

[00:10:49] And you can actually be present. So if you want that, go to CourtneyLoveGavin.com White Knuckling, your perfectionistic tendencies is rough. You have other options. You have useful options to seek relief that is better for you long-term. Relief that gives you resilience. Relief that gives you confidence.

[00:11:10] Relief that gives you clarity. Relief that gives you direction in yourself so that you're able to be flexible instead of rigid and clenchy. You can let go of... I need to know everything. I need to do everything. Instead, you can just be like, I'm here.

[00:11:23] I know that I will figure it the F out. You do not have to white knuckle your perfectionistic tendencies. And if you feel like you are, I invite you to come work with me one-on-one inside of perfectionism optimized, where you will learn how to be totally in charge

[00:11:43] and in command of your life, which means that you will finally stop trying to desperately control how everyone feels about you. You just stop trying to control and you actually become in charge of your life because there is a big difference.

[00:11:59] You get to redefine what you want for your life to be about. What success means to you. We meet you where you are. So it's not like, oh my gosh, I started coaching with CLG and now I need to make 10 hours a week for my homework.

[00:12:14] No, it's not like that. We integrate it into the things that you are already doing. You begin to feel more calm and confident when you're getting your kids ready to like go to daycare in the morning. When you're like, oh shit, this is a challenge.

[00:12:29] We get to figure it out together and you come out on the other side stronger, more confident and more capable. So everything in your life is a ripple effect gets better. So if you want this for yourself then go to CourtneyLoveGavin.com.