Fear of failure holding you back? Can't stop obsessing over what you should've done better? I'm telling you exactly how to stop being judgmental, drop the fear of failure and always know if you're doing a good job with a way that's more useful, feels better + helps you progress wayyyy faster Listen to liberate yo self from the cycle of fear and self-consciousness.
If you’re committed to being stronger, happier, braver, more resilient and want in-depth personalized support rewiring your perfectionism, Perfectionism Optimized 1-1 coaching is for you! Get your stress-free start today at https://courtneylovegavin.com/optimized
Listen to the full episode to learn:
- How being judgmental is the silent killer of your relationships (esp. with people you love the most)
- Where sneaky judgment is lurking in your own life
- Why you’re stuck + how mistakes are the solution
- EXACTLY how to legit enjoy failure
Ep. 208 Timestamps
00:00-How Judgment Holds Perfectionists Back
02:20-Fear of Failure + Its Dangerous Consequences
03:51-Why Am I So Hard On Myself
05:26-Being Judgmental is a Protection Mechanism
06:33-What Lies Beneath Your Judgment
07:30-From Judging Yourself to Joyful Winning
09:27-Exactly how to drop judgmental
12:22-Trading Contempt for Curiosity + Experimentation
14:42-How To 13x Building Your Resilience
15:53-Rewiring Your Perfectionistic Patterns From The Inside Out
Truth + Accuracy In This Episode Is Brought To You By:
- Daniilidou, A. (2023). Understanding the relationship between the multidimensional perfectionism and self-compassion in adults: The effect of age. Europe’s Journal of Psychology, 19(4), 371–386. https://doi.org/10.5964/ejop.11981
- Hitchcock, P. F., Britton, W. B., Mehta, K. P., & Frank, M. J. (2022). Self-judgment dissected: A computational modeling analysis of self-referential processing and its relationship to trait mindfulness facets and depression symptoms. Cognitive, Affective, & Behavioral Neuroscience, 23(1), 171–189. https://doi.org/10.3758/s13415-022-01033-9
- Ong, C. W., Lee, E. B., Petersen, J. M., Levin, M. E., & Twohig, M. P. (2021). Is perfectionism always unhealthy? Examining the moderating effects of psychological flexibility and self‐compassion. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 77(11), 2576–2591. https://doi.org/10.1002/jclp.23187
Perfectionism Rewired is committed to truth and accuracy through a perfectionist affirming lens, offering cutting-edge research on perfectionism, interoception + neuroscience, for the practical perfectionist who wants to enjoy the life they've worked so hard to create.
Perfectionism is very powerful. But only if you know how to leverage it. For more on optimizing your perfectionist tendencies go to perfectionist.solutions
[00:00:00] Hello, before we start today's episode,
[00:00:03] if you would like a condensed version
[00:00:06] of what I'm talking about in this podcast,
[00:00:09] go ahead and subscribe to The Perfectionist Guide.
[00:00:14] You can read the entire thing in three minutes or less.
[00:00:17] To access this, go to courtneylupgavin.com
[00:00:21] slash newsletter.
[00:00:23] Are you a bit of a perfectionist, type A, hyper performer? from the private podcast for private one-on-one coaching. This episode is one of the clients inside of Perfectionism Optimized, the only place where Taipei-driven perfectionistic people quit fighting against themselves forever. One of their favorite episodes. I am sharing it with you because it's the judgment that keeps us
[00:01:43] from actually being able to evolve and to grow and to stop And a lot of times it's like, I can't. It feels so icky and ugh, and so you stay on the sidelines and in your life and you have all these great dreams and wishes, but you don't go after them. And I don't want that to be you. And I don't think you want that to be you either. So if you are thinking, I want to set an example for my kids, for my family, I don't want to live in fear anymore
[00:03:01] because living in fear isn't really being alive.
[00:03:03] There's one thing to be, okay,, your career, like every area of your life will up level and just like, whoof, it's gonna be good. Then I invite you to Think of it like if you ever watch a scary movie, when you put your hands over your face, I call it the peeker. So you're just peeking through your fingers. That's what judging is for real.
[00:05:40] It makes it that you're unable to see everything,
[00:05:42] and it's a protection mechanism.
[00:05:45] It thinks that you're in danger,
[00:05:47] and it's like, oh my you're just collateral damage hurt. When you're refusing to acknowledge the judgment, when you're justifying the judgment, it's coming at you from all kinds of angles like tiny punches. Like you've been in a problem. There's so much more freedom with it. Just think of it like weather patterns. You can go outside when it's rainy, it doesn't ruin your day, and we'll even get you some cool hunter rain boots that you can wear. Oftentimes, we want to shun or ignore that part of us,
[00:08:21] like quiet them down. We want to be like, oh my God, will you stop?
[00:08:24] Instead, what I invite you to is to bring some levity start to see and notice new things because you're not looking for the same things over and over and over again. My brain is probably judging the same amount that it was when I was unwired and unleveraged. The difference is I am way more attuned to the scientist. If you imagine a bell that's ringing, it's like really loud and annoying.
[00:09:42] If you cup your hand underneath it, it's steel-toed Doc Martens with the long maxi skirt. I love the look of it, but actually walking the five miles,
[00:11:00] the blisters, and it just didn't work out.
[00:11:03] But that doesn't mean that I'm gonna stop
[00:11:04] wearing cool outfits.
[00:11:06] Same thing, you. You have doubts? But go out and test this. Let's call upon
[00:12:23] the scientist in you. Basketball is ever think that. The more mistakes you make, especially if someone with perfectionistic tendencies, it's the more opportunities that you get to wear your growth goggles and to develop that resilience and that inner strength and that conviction in yourself, so that you have a titanium foundation, and that even if you make mistakes or people are upset with you,
[00:13:42] or your partner is being cranky,
[00:13:44] your children are being cranky,
[00:13:46] it's like, oh, it are lines of discovery when you're a scientist. This is how you develop resilience. This is how we get to see are the judges' robes tattooed on your body? Not a problem. We can remove them because it's not about the mistakes.
[00:15:02] It's not about looking foolish.
[00:15:03] It's about the judgment that comes with it. small and dangerous. Whether you want to stop playing out worst-case scenarios in your head or be joyfully present, ambitious again, you don't need more rigid rules, guesswork, or hard work in perfectionism recovery. You need a framework that helps you understand and most importantly, rewire your perfectionistic habits from the inside out. It starts with