Be Proud of Yourself: Training Your Brain to SEE Your Value

[00:00:00] If you are a perfectionist that tends to be an overachiever, type A and driven, you have

[00:00:06] probably noticed by now achieving and winning and accomplishing things.

[00:00:11] It doesn't give you the same high on the inside like, oh, that feels good as it used to.

[00:00:17] You go to the next level because you think, oh, this is going to feel so good.

[00:00:20] I just need to get there.

[00:00:21] And then you get there and you don't feel anything.

[00:00:24] Then you feel worse about that because you're like, man, I sacrificed so much and I did

[00:00:30] so much because I thought I was going to feel this way.

[00:00:32] And now I don't.

[00:00:33] And now I feel even worse.

[00:00:34] I feel like I should be feeling this way and everyone around me is feeling really happy.

[00:00:37] So what's wrong with me?

[00:00:39] Sound familiar?

[00:00:40] You are in the right place.

[00:00:43] If you are ready to burn bright instead of burning out to lead without losing yourself

[00:00:48] and to enjoy the life you have worked so hard to create and keep listening.

[00:00:53] I'm your host, America's leader on rewiring perfectionism, CLG.

[00:00:59] And this is Perfectionism Rewired, the podcast.

[00:01:03] Welcome to Perfectionism Rewired.

[00:01:06] Today's episode is the complete perfectionist guide to be proud of you so that you can build a life

[00:01:14] that feels as amazing on the inside as it does on the outside instead of a life that feels

[00:01:20] hard all the time.

[00:01:22] Why we are talking about it is if you are in that rigid and exhausting perfectionism of

[00:01:27] nothing is ever good enough, left untreated, it will kill your joy, your presence,

[00:01:32] your relationships, your courage and career.

[00:01:35] Ask me how I know.

[00:01:37] If proud is a foreign feeling for you, it is very painful to live this way.

[00:01:41] I lived there for 30 plus years.

[00:01:43] I felt so alone and frustrated.

[00:01:46] It didn't feel like it was under my control and that's why I wanted to control everything.

[00:01:52] I was determined to figure this out.

[00:01:55] How do I upgrade from successful to proud of?

[00:02:00] We're going to talk about why being proud of yourself is a mission critical skill for all

[00:02:06] perfectionists.

[00:02:08] You're also going to discover what is getting in the way of you being proud of yourself

[00:02:13] currently, what we have been conditioned with and what brings up hesitation in being proud of

[00:02:20] yourself.

[00:02:21] If you are thinking, well, I don't have anything to be proud of, I am going to give you

[00:02:27] reasons that you can be proud of yourself.

[00:02:31] So let's get into it.

[00:02:33] This week, I have been reviewing all of my session notes from this year with

[00:02:40] perfectionism optimized private coaching clients.

[00:02:44] One thread that every single client experienced within their first, I'd say,

[00:02:50] month to six weeks of us coaching together is they develop the ability to be proud of themselves.

[00:02:57] Being proud of themselves not based on achievements, being proud of themselves for

[00:03:03] when their kids are having meltdowns instead of them trying to control everything,

[00:03:08] being able to laugh at the dinner table in a moment where they previously would have been

[00:03:12] crying, being proud of themselves for relaxing and giving themself that space to take a week off.

[00:03:21] Being proud of yourself, why it is a mission critical skill is because being proud of

[00:03:27] yourself is a way of valuing yourself while you continue to be a high performer.

[00:03:34] If you continue succeeding, and maybe you've already realized this, when you continue

[00:03:40] improving yourself, going for growth from a place of inadequacy, that can only breed

[00:03:48] more inadequacy.

[00:03:49] Let's say you are trying to improve something and you're coming from the place of this isn't

[00:03:54] good enough.

[00:03:55] Even when you make those improvements that you believed would make it good enough,

[00:04:01] you're training your brain to always see what isn't good enough, what you did wrong.

[00:04:08] And when that happens, you never reach a place where you do feel like it's good enough,

[00:04:15] aka sufficient.

[00:04:16] When you're coming from inadequacy, you're never going to feel adequate with yourself.

[00:04:21] It's like you're multiplying by zero.

[00:04:23] When we are not allowing ourselves to be proud, regardless of what we've accomplished,

[00:04:29] you're actually going to accomplish less.

[00:04:32] There are tons of scientific studies on this where proud begets more proud.

[00:04:37] Operating from a place of inadequacy not good enough, I don't know how to be proud of myself.

[00:04:42] It will never be good enough.

[00:04:44] I can tell you from 30 plus years of hard earned experience that didn't help me get

[00:04:49] any closer to my goals.

[00:04:51] It delayed them happening and it only had me spinning my wheels, taking shits on myself

[00:04:57] and continuously getting in my own way.

[00:05:01] What is getting in the way of you feeling proud?

[00:05:04] There is a fear.

[00:05:06] You will no longer have the motivation to achieve and accomplish more,

[00:05:11] to go for growth if you feel proud of yourself now

[00:05:14] and that you are just going to lazy on lounge through life on sloth mode.

[00:05:19] As perfectionists, we'll try and deny ourselves being proud now

[00:05:23] so that we get to feel it in the future.

[00:05:28] We think that is what's going to motivate us to keep going.

[00:05:31] I want you to think about this like dating.

[00:05:33] That would be like denying yourself, finding yourself attractive or desirable now.

[00:05:39] Telling yourself, I'm not going to find one thing about who I am that I find appealing

[00:05:45] because I really want to feel desirable once I'm dating someone that I enjoy.

[00:05:52] If you don't think of yourself as attractive and desirable,

[00:05:56] no one else is going to think that about you.

[00:05:58] What makes someone more attractive is that like,

[00:06:01] oh they're not looking for approval for me.

[00:06:04] Just like what we covered in episode 236,

[00:06:07] like oh they're not looking for that reassurance for me.

[00:06:10] Oh, it feels so good to be wanted instead of needed.

[00:06:13] Number one is that you're feeling like you'll lose your drive to achieve more.

[00:06:20] Number two, you are telling yourself I don't have anything to be proud of.

[00:06:25] I understand that can feel true.

[00:06:27] Instead, I want to invite you to be the scientist

[00:06:30] and pretend that I am going to hand you $3 million

[00:06:34] if you can find one thing that you can be proud of yourself for

[00:06:39] in the next 10 seconds.

[00:06:40] I guarantee you will be able to find something.

[00:06:43] Even if it's I'm proud of my honesty with myself

[00:06:47] when I say I feel that I don't have anything to be proud of,

[00:06:51] that can be something that you're proud of.

[00:06:53] Are you tired of being in a robotic relationship with success,

[00:06:58] with zero meaning or joy during the process,

[00:07:01] where your victories feel anticlimactic?

[00:07:05] If you're nodding your head yes,

[00:07:07] I might have the solution you've been searching for.

[00:07:11] Perfectionism optimized my one-on-one coaching program

[00:07:15] exclusively for perfectionistic people.

[00:07:18] One of our focuses is on emotional agility.

[00:07:22] And as a result of that, you are going to create

[00:07:26] a more balanced, regulated and coherent nervous system.

[00:07:32] Or what I like to call,

[00:07:34] you are playing the majority of your time in the resilient zone.

[00:07:40] Some people call this your window of tolerance,

[00:07:42] but let's face it, as perfectionists,

[00:07:44] we have spent way too much time tolerating a lot of crap in our lives.

[00:07:50] You don't need to spend any more time tolerating.

[00:07:53] Let's upgrade you to the resilient zone.

[00:07:56] Hit the link in the show notes

[00:07:57] or go to CourtneyLoveGavin.com slash optimized.

[00:08:01] Number three, what gets in the way of you being proud of yourself

[00:08:05] is that you are attaching productivity to proud.

[00:08:10] You are telling yourself that you only get to feel proud

[00:08:14] if you accomplish things.

[00:08:15] We have been conditioned that things give you permission

[00:08:19] and allow you to feel more of what you want to.

[00:08:24] You can feel more loved if you are married.

[00:08:27] You can feel more put together if you're wearing makeup.

[00:08:30] You can feel more beautiful if you are thin.

[00:08:33] You can feel more worthy of being able to relax

[00:08:36] if all of your debt is paid off.

[00:08:39] Those are not things that I believe,

[00:08:40] those are just messages I took note of

[00:08:43] while watching commercials this week.

[00:08:46] Your life is bigger than the checkboxes.

[00:08:48] You're measuring it with another example

[00:08:51] from a perfectionism optimized client I coached this week

[00:08:55] in our session.

[00:08:56] She was like, I just keep feeling at this

[00:08:58] and I asked her, well, what can you be proud of?

[00:09:00] And she said nothing and felt very, very true and nothing.

[00:09:04] How I reframed it for her

[00:09:05] and what I'm going to do for you

[00:09:08] is that if you are failing at something,

[00:09:10] if you are faltering a second time, a third time,

[00:09:13] a fifth time, a hundredth time,

[00:09:15] that is something to be proud of.

[00:09:18] Too many perfectionists just do passive failing

[00:09:21] where they don't even, they say, oh, conditions aren't perfect.

[00:09:24] Oh, I'm going to do it later.

[00:09:25] I'm going to do it tomorrow.

[00:09:26] So for you to be missing the mark,

[00:09:29] that means you are showing the F up.

[00:09:32] That means you are in the arena of your life

[00:09:35] instead of being someone in the stands,

[00:09:37] watching their life happen to them.

[00:09:40] You're someone who is going for it.

[00:09:43] That is something for you to be immensely proud of.

[00:09:46] Another thing that gets in the way

[00:09:47] of you being proud of yourself

[00:09:48] is this belief that feelings and emotions are monolithic.

[00:09:52] Feeling proud of yourself does not require

[00:09:55] that you eradicate all negative feelings

[00:09:58] and thoughts towards yourself

[00:10:00] or your current circumstance.

[00:10:03] You are a multifaceted human.

[00:10:07] You are allowed to have a layered experience.

[00:10:11] You can be disappointed and proud.

[00:10:14] You can hold them both together.

[00:10:16] Another example from a perfectionism optimized client,

[00:10:20] she was judging herself and beating herself up

[00:10:23] and experienced it as a failure

[00:10:25] because they believe that they shouldn't

[00:10:28] be extremely judgmental.

[00:10:30] What I pointed out to this client

[00:10:32] is a significant reduction in time

[00:10:35] between her judging herself,

[00:10:38] beating herself up and stopping that.

[00:10:41] It is so crucial to know when you are getting in your own way.

[00:10:46] Maybe it's not beating yourself up.

[00:10:48] Maybe for you it's overthinking,

[00:10:50] catastrophizing, people pleasing, procrastination.

[00:10:53] All of that is not a problem.

[00:10:55] You're human.

[00:10:56] It is going to happen.

[00:10:57] But you get to be proud of yourself

[00:11:00] for seeing a reduction time

[00:11:03] between this thing happened

[00:11:05] and when you get self-awareness.

[00:11:08] Like that window becomes shorter

[00:11:10] and shorter and shorter.

[00:11:12] Here are some reasons for you to be proud of yourself.

[00:11:16] You can choose to elaborate on how far you've come,

[00:11:20] the skills that you've gained,

[00:11:23] how you were showing up to your day-to-day activities,

[00:11:27] how alive you felt in the process,

[00:11:29] how present you were during bath time,

[00:11:32] the relationships that you were developing,

[00:11:34] the courage that you are demonstrating.

[00:11:38] Truth Booth, you will never get off the hamster wheel

[00:11:42] of never feeling good enough

[00:11:43] unless you develop the skill of recognizing

[00:11:48] and being proud of all that you've done

[00:11:51] and all of who you are right now.

[00:11:55] The place of fully recognizing

[00:11:57] all that you've already accomplished

[00:11:59] and all that you're proud of,

[00:12:02] it is from that place that you catapult yourself

[00:12:05] to being the person who feels as amazing on the inside

[00:12:09] as their life looks on the outside.

[00:12:12] It is not from a place of inadequacy.

[00:12:15] Let yourself feel so damn proud about yourself

[00:12:19] and just see how that shifts your energy.

[00:12:23] Ask yourself each day,

[00:12:25] what am I proud of myself?

[00:12:28] Like for me yesterday,

[00:12:30] I was proud of being present at bath time

[00:12:32] and I didn't allow myself to get frustrated.

[00:12:35] The more experiences that you are proud of yourself

[00:12:39] and the more that you focus on them,

[00:12:42] then you are actually shrinking this part of your brain

[00:12:46] known as the amygdala.

[00:12:47] The amygdala kicks off the stress cycle in your body.

[00:12:52] When you are a rewired perfectionist,

[00:12:55] your perfectionism is boldness.

[00:12:58] It is authenticity.

[00:12:59] It is a Ferrari drive.

[00:13:00] It is the confidence to falter, learn and grow.

[00:13:03] And that starts with being proud of yourself.

[00:13:07] It's the most useful skill that you could ever learn.

[00:13:10] It's a skill that will be with you for generations.

[00:13:12] If you want that,

[00:13:13] all you got to do is take the first step

[00:13:14] and you can go for it at Courtney Love-Gavin.com.

[00:13:18] Listen up.

[00:13:19] Taking charge of your perfectionism

[00:13:20] is so much easier than you have been led to believe.

[00:13:24] Whether you want to stop playing out worst-case scenarios

[00:13:27] in your head or be joyfully present, ambitious again,

[00:13:31] you don't need more rigid rules, guesswork,

[00:13:34] or hard work in perfectionism recovery.

[00:13:38] You need a framework that helps you understand

[00:13:40] and most importantly,

[00:13:42] rewire your perfectionistic habits from the inside out.

[00:13:46] It starts inside of perfectionism optimized.

[00:13:50] Besides the obvious mental health and wellness benefits,

[00:13:53] rewiring your perfectionism is the fastest way to figure out

[00:13:57] what's really underneath your perfectionistic patterns.

[00:14:01] This radically different proven proprietary approach

[00:14:05] helps you succeed by dropping the contempt and judgment

[00:14:08] that blocks change.

[00:14:10] Discover how to trust yourself,

[00:14:12] take control of your world

[00:14:14] and feel truly empowered to own your perfectionism

[00:14:19] instead of being owned by it.

[00:14:22] Head on over to CourtneyLoveGavin.com

[00:14:24] and start your transformation today.